Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Bigger benefits of learning a new language in primary school instead of waiting until middle school?

sillyman2000 19 / 42 9  
May 10, 2019   #1

exposing to a second language early

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

According to some scientists, children should start exposing to a second language when they are still in primary school, rather than in middle school. In my opinion, this suggestion offers more benefits than drawbacks.

To begin with, getting children expose to a new language from the age 6 to 10 can help them readily be absorbed the language. This statement is completely true because there was a scientific proof from Rutger University in New Jersey which also indicated that the earlier a child get into a second language, the better grasp for that language of them in their later life. In addition to that, this research also claimed that multilingual youngsters were more likely to be more intelligent than those who were monolingual due to the minor differences in their brain structures. Thus, children should learn another language the sooner the better.

Another positive impact is that when a youngster learn a foreign language at early a age, he or she can obtain big advantages in their adult life. Nowadays, numerous companies prefer employing employees who know more than one language, thus those candidates will be much more priviledged since they will be placed in important positions in a company. Therefore, these individuals have opportunites to earn high salary about two thousand dollars per month. Moreover, people who can speak various languages can travel anywhere in the world without facing language barrier.

In conclusion, it is said that children ought to learn a second language in elementary school instead of waiting until secondary school. I believe the pros of this obviously outweigh the cons because of its major benefits.

I am going to take the IELTS soon and I transfered this essay from my written paper. Please give me a band score about this one. Any suggestions will be highly appreciated. Thank you.

Maria - / 1,100 389  
May 10, 2019   #2
A couple of notes to consider:
1. Be wary of your sentence construction.
2. When you're mentioning numbers, it is more appropriate to write it out rather than using the numbers themselves.
3. Evade using insignificant/unnecessary words to optimize the space you have for your essay.
4. Instead of giving out general statements, it would be better if you could specialize or create more specific content that is tailor-fit to your essay. Doing this will help you have more structure in your essay.

5. Watch out for complex sentences that do not generate substantial output for your essay.
6. While transition lines are generally acceptable, it would be alright if you can omit them - especially if you prefer having a more organic transition between your sentences.

Let's revise a couple portions of your essay in response/application to/of these notes.

For instance, in your second paragraph:
Exposing children to a new language from age six to ten will help them absorb it. A scientific experiment from Rutger University in New Jersey had proven that the earlier a child learns a second language, the better grasp they would have of it. In addition, the research claimed that multilingual people are more likely to be more intelligent compared to monolingual individuals because of differences in brain structures. Thus, it would be better for children to learn the language sooner.*

*This last concluding paragraph could be revised to display a different summation of the entire content. In here, you merely repeated what you had mentioned in the initial parts of the paragraph. What you may instead do is try to articulate the idea that the development of a child's brain would result to more long-term benefits. Having these details is crucial if you want more depth in your writing.

Keep these in mind as you are rereading and revising. Best of luck!

Home / Writing Feedback / Bigger benefits of learning a new language in primary school instead of waiting until middle school?