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IELTS- Bigger Priority - governments should charge on railways instead of roads.


Paige 1 / -  
Mar 11, 2017   #1
Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


railways vs roads - which deserve a bigger priority?



It is sometimes argued that governments should charge on railways instead of roads. Personally, I completely agree with this idea.
On the one hand, taking a train as transportation can both reduce congestion and make people healthier. Commuters who drive cars to their workplaces are often get stuck in the rush hours due to too many cars driven to their destinations at the same time. However, taking public transportation, such as train, can not only save much money, but also prevent people from being late. Furthermore, the amount of CO2 produced by train is obviously less than by cars. This will reduce air pollution and keep residents stronger and healthier. Governments and local councils should focus on railways with financial supports to encourage more people to take.

On the other hand, most people can not live without roads, especially the residents living in the mountains or rural areas. They completely depend on roads to connect downtowns or rural areas that provide them with enough food and groceries. If governments don't fix or build roads anymore, people will have hard time meeting their basic needs. To take Taiwan as an example, roads are very easy to be damaged by typhoons, and the fixation must be done as soon as possible to avoid people lack of food and help. Government should regularly spend enough money on roads, or there will be a great impact on people.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the benefits of spending money on railways are more significant than on roads.

jkl 3 / 4  
Mar 11, 2017   #2
@Paige Hi here are some suggestions you may wish you use.

Personally, I completely agree with this idea. => although the question asks if you agree or disagree, it is generally not a good idea to use the word "personally". It is not advisable to say you "completely agree" as well. You need to show that you have considered the opposing arguments too which I see that you have. In this case, you should definitely not use completely agree. I would change it to something like: I agree with this statement to a great extent for several reasons. Firstly, ...

taking a train as transportation can both reduce congestion and make people healthier. => deal with one point at a time. These are both your arguments so separating them would be clearer.

most people can not live without roads => this is too colloquial. write something like roads are essential to the daily lives of people. This is especially true for those living...

If governments don't fix or build roads anymore => do not use short-hand in essays as they are too informal. Use "do not" instead of "don't".

To take Taiwan as an example => For example in Taiwan, roads are very easily damaged...

In conclusion, it seems to me that the benefits ... => your conclusion should be a short recap and summary of your main arguments. eg. In conclusion, spending on railways decrease congestion and improve health and these benefits greatly outweight...

another point, you have stated a counter argument for spending on roads butyou have not rebutted it. If you agree with railways then you need to show that roads are necessary but not as important as railways.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,804 2614  
Mar 12, 2017   #3
Qi, you could have done a better job with your paraphrasing in the opening statement by dividing the single line presentation in the original prompt into 2 sentences. Then followed it up by your agreement of the discussion, without beginning a discussion at that point. the first statement should never be more than an overview of the forthcoming discussion.

The second paragraph could have compared the expenses of the government between the road and railway in terms of practicality and usability to the public. It is in the second statement where you should have opened the discussion with the term "Personally..." because this is a personal opinion essay that need not discuss the basis of the original prompt.

Your conclusion is another problematic part of the essay because it is a single sentence. In order to properly write a conclusion, you must accurately develop a concluding statement based upon the existing information in the essay you created. Wrap it up with a similar summary to the opening statement and you would have written more than 254 words with an increased possible score. This way though, I think the essay can only score a 5 due to the indicated problems regarding how you addressed the task and formatted your response.
FAHADKHAN185 1 / 1  
Mar 12, 2017   #4
Your topic is quite interesting but though it lacks some facts and figures .Building roads are far cheaper than spreading railway network .Underdeveloped countries cant afford much spending on locomotives because of their fixed asset and maintenance cost
Arlen 20 / 40 3  
Mar 14, 2017   #5
Hi,

firstly, I don't think your word count is enough since task two need at least 250 words. My suggestion is that you should extend your body paragraph with different supporting view.

Next, It is fine to use the opposite view to highlight your opinion, however, it is better to avoid using the same conjunction word -- on the other hand. You can use "on the contrary" or "in contrast" to show the different view.

I think the conclusion is good, which is quite clear and rephrase your statement again.

hope it helps!


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