IELTS; Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg - succesful people who earned a lot of money

Task: A successful person is one who has earned a lot of money.

All things have two sides which means that there is no absolute truth. Sometimes a person who has wealth looks like he or she can do and get what he or she wants. Eventually the man who has earned a lot of money pretends to be successful, I think that success and being successful means not only getting a lot of money, but also being happier, satisfied and confident with yourself. Because money is one tool for fulfilling our needs such as not being hungry and living comfortably. We need to get a job or do business to provide these things. Our first goal is to survive and be alive, not getting money.

In many cases, a man has made his dream become reality and achieved his goals very successfully and receive reputation, and a lot of money. In this way, I will agree that he is very successful and rich. For example, Bill Gates, a founder of Microsoft, and Mark Zuckerberg, a founder of Facebook, are very successful and wealthy people because they realized their dreams.

On the other hand, some people just strive for money and ignore other things such as their family, relationship with people and all others. After all things are said and done, if a man has no family, no friends, and no health, I thinks he wouldn't be happy and feel success. In this case, I disagree that this person is successful and rich.

In conclusion, after we concentrate and discern our desire or needs and determine what the most important thing is and when we will be happy and successful, only then can we live as we wish.

Ok, this is your first essay here. So, I need to tell you a few things that you need to follow when you open future threads;

1. Have a more meaningful title for your essay that describes the topic of your essay - Do this in the Subject field (Include the purpose ,e.g. IELTS/TOEFL in the title itself)

2. IELTS essay threads should be opened in Writing Feedback forum - this has been moved from Grammar Usage to Writing Feedback :)

Ok, I see. Thanks a lot.

It is an interesting hook. It needs final touching tomake a perfect hook. I think the ideal hook should be simple sentence without any conjunction.

It seems like you pay more attention regarding grammar term :-) . However, a good essay does not talk about grammar only. Making an essay which can make the readers are impressed about the content is more essential.

cheers,

A tip dealing with EF: Every time you want to submit writing, you should always include the full prompt in your post together with the essay. This helps readers fully understand what it requires from you.