Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Boarding school is an excellent paradigm for children to comprehensively develop


linhluong158 2 / 2  
Oct 27, 2017   #1

Advocating the school system



topic: Some people feel that boarding schools are an excellent opinion for children, while others disagree for a number of reasons. consider both sides and reach a conclusion

answer:
Boarding schools have been popular among many countries since the past. there have existed endless comments on whether this kind of school is the ideal choice for students. this essay will debate both sides of this topic and reach a concluding view.

Advocates of this school system would argue that this is an excellent paradigm for children to comprehensively develop. Obviously, living with peers and without parents can train kids into self-reliant, independent, confident and sociable civilians who can manage things by themselves in most situations in life as well as have a wide net of friends and better communication skill. In addition, this can also benefit busy parents having a little amount of time for their families. Saving time driving kids from home to school and back, preparing quality meals and helping kids out with loads of homework can exemplify this advantage.

In contrast, there are reasons to disapprove of this syllabus. Away from family has never been easy, even with adults, let alone the premature. Without parental guidance and surveillance, children can suffer from insufficient nutriented dietary plan, as well as some can be spoiled by heinous people provoking them to take drugs, alcohol and neglect their study. Combined with peer pressure and stress gained from studying, students may find it desparate and hold a pessimistic view about life.

In conclusion, although boarding school forms a brilliant environment for children's development and bring several benefits to busy parents, it appears that this school system's drawbacks outweigh its advantages as students may be disoriented during their school years.

Hiwi_Life 9 / 28 6  
Oct 27, 2017   #2
@linhluong158
In your first paragraph I think you don`t have to use the this essay... part. But the points you raised are good. And be sure if you are expected to have one sided conclusion because that is what you did.
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Oct 27, 2017   #3
Linh, you need to practice how to paraphrase the original prompts. The one that you created for this essay is not really accurate and shows sentence structure errors. Compare your paraphrase with mine:

Some parents believe that boarding schools have major benefits for their children. Others believe that there are some specific considerations that make boarding schools a bad idea for their children. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of boarding schools and present an opinion at the end.

Now, refer back to the properly worded prompt from the original (as your version of the original prompt is obviously faulty, incomplete, and not the original prompt presentation either) and then read what you wrote, then what I wrote. You should see which version is a more accurate paraphrase of the original. Don't worry, you should get better at it with practice.

Your reasoning is sound for both points of view and you have drawn an acceptable conclusion to the presentation. However, you wrote only one long sentence for your conclusion instead of the more score considerate 3-5 sentence presentation. You need to write more sentence in order to allow yourself the opportunity to prove your LR and GRA abilities for higher scoring consideration.

One overall observation, you have a tendency to write run-on sentences. This will result in a sentence that doesn't make sense to the reader because he is not given an opportunity to remember, consider, and understand what has been written. This will result in a low GRA score for you. Always split up your sentences into topic and discussion sentences. Keep it short but informative in order to create more simple and complex sentence representations in your essay. You will score better in that instance.
LadyOfClockwork 25 / 78 20  
Oct 27, 2017   #4
@linhluong158
Hi. I'd like give you another paraphrase of the prompt.

=> Some people have an idea that children enjoy many benefits of receiving board and lodging in a campus during the school term. Others have an different opinion, citing a variety of considerations.
inok26 5 / 16  
Oct 27, 2017   #5
@linhluong158
You have some strong points. However, please check for proper capitalization in your first paragraph. Then around the first line of the third paragraph, I think it should start this way, Being away from family has never......

Cheers.


Home / Writing Feedback / Boarding school is an excellent paradigm for children to comprehensively develop