Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

We are bombarded with news every day, ranging from the frivolous to the catastrophic - serious issue


uic 1 / 1  
Sep 9, 2014   #1
We are bombarded with news every day, ranging from the frivolous to the catastrophic. Take one current national or international issue and explain why it is important to you.

Years of working as a volunteer at House of Sharing has made "Comfort Women" become the most important issue to me, and it also helped me form my character and perspectives. House of Sharing is a home for former comfort women who were forced into becoming sexual slaves of Japamese imperial army during World War Ⅱ. I encountered this problem while attending middle school in Canada, and I was just mad at Japan's attitude towards history. I vaguely thought that Japan should apologize to grandmothers, and to Korea. However, attending high school, I realized that comfort women issue was not just a problem between Korea and Japan, but a problem of universal human rights. As a woman myself, this became a very important matter to me. Also, the grandmothers have been recently invited to the White House in US, which shows that 'comfort women' have become a universal issue.

With years of volunteering and contemplating about this issue, I could form an attitude towards my fields of interest. I joined a school club called 'Nanum(sharing)', and did my best to introduce this problem to my school friends. At first, it was not easy to raise my voice in public places, but I was motivated by the courageous grandmothers who didn't stop to give testimony, and kept trying to receive formal apologies from Japan. Determined to be of help to the grandmothers, I could engage myself thoroghly in various events for comfort women. In my sophomore year, I was nominated the leader of this club, and I planned numerous events within school. The most worthwhile moment was to see my fellow students participate in sharing and learning the pain of grandmothers through campaigns and fundraisings I planned. But presenting this, I could also learn to speak out with a critical mind, and realize the importance of making people aware of the problem that I became aware of. Also, I could develop a serving nature by working for the grandmothers for nothing. Donating all the profits from fundraising gave me a genuine pleasure, and I realized that sharing with others brought me a pure joy.

Also, In order to introduce 'comfort women' issue to many people confidently, I believed that I must have a thorough knowledge of comfort women, so with my club members, I studied the 'comfort women' system, and how they endured tough lives.

I feel responsible in resolving this issue for the grandmothers, and I am happy that international society, including US, are now paying attention to the issue of comfort women. As a member of future generation, I hope to give sincere apology and consolation to the comfort women survivors, who is now like my own grandmother to me. Even if they cannot receive a formal apology from the Japanese government, I believe that securing their side and endeavouring with them is what I can do as a student. The "comfort women" issue became the most important matter to me; I will keep exerting myself to give grandmothers a true comfort.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 9, 2014   #2
Okay, I can understand that you were very angry after learning how Japan refused to apologize to Japanese women. I can understand that you feel that "comfort women" should be an issue of human rights. But why is this issue specifically important to you? How does this issue affect in any way, shape, or form? What I am trying to say is, the "comfort women" issue seems to be an issue that is fast becoming an international concern, but how does that answer the essay prompt? You gave answers as to how you participated in activities that fight for the rights of "comfort women" and yet there is still something missing in your essay.You speak of what you did to help promote their cause. But why did you have to do that? What is your main objective? The essay definitely has room for improvement in its current form. If I may, I would like to make a suggestion.

Rather than this general discussion of how you became involved in the cause, why not discuss why the issue is important to you in a more personal sense? You could discuss this issue as a transitional moment in your life. Which is why it became an important issue to you. Talk about the way learning more and more about this issue had brought you to a higher level of understanding the little known historical aftermath of the war. Then transition the discussion into a reflection of how this cause has helped you mature as a person. Explain how the issue has helped shape your character and outlook in life. That way you can effectively answer the prompt "explain why a specific issue is important to you."

I believe that you can still develop this discussion with the proper guide questions and suggestions. I can only hope that my above suggestions and comments will be able to help you :-)
OP uic 1 / 1  
Sep 9, 2014   #3
Thank you! :-) I understood that I have to show direct answers to the prompt, and I am thinking of talking about a personal experience of meeting an actual comfort women last year. Mentioning this talk between us, I might be able to explain why this problem has become the most important issue to me, and how it changed me as a person!


Home / Writing Feedback / We are bombarded with news every day, ranging from the frivolous to the catastrophic - serious issue