IELTS Book 8 Test 1 Task 2
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both your views and give your own opinion.
It is true that parents shoulder responsibility to teach children how to be good members of society. However, I argue that school is the main place where children learn and practice to be good members of society.
In my opinion, schools allow students to understand the importance of being a good team player and obedient more effectively which are expected in society. It is well-known that school is regarded as the 'microcosm' of society, what schools require students to do is what society demands of. For instance, students comply with school rules showed they are obedient, while engaging in team activities indicated students are able to be a good team player. I believe these elements are vital for students' future career path and keep society to run smoothly. However, given that schools have large class sizes. I doubt whether teachers can access to every students' characters and personalities, and then squeeze time to teach students about these social core values- being a good team player and obedient.
Alongside the influence of school, parents are also in charge to teach children to be good people of society. Eversince childhood, kids have been taught that they should be polite, humble and willing to share by parents through various taeching materials like story books and cartoons. When taking a closer sight at it, we can find that these teachings are all knowledge-based and these mean that they are not practical enough when compared to schools, since schools provide platform for true human interactions which is similar in society. Also, as children reach puberty, they are more susceptible to peer influence instead of parents, school then become the main stage for students to learn to be good members of society.
In conclusion, while parents and schools are essential for children to gain social core values to be better person in society, I believe that school is way more effective and practical to achieve this aim.
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You did not follow the prompt requirements. It appears that you thought that this essay was a single opinion presentation. It is actually a 3 point of view essay presentation as per the discussion instructions. You were asked to; "Discuss both points of view and present your own opinion". That made it a 3 opinion discussion presentation. However, you do not just present the opinions, you have to explain it as well.
There are 2 public points of view that you have to explain in this essay before you present your own opinion:
POV 1: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society.
POV 2: Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
POV 3: Whichever public POV you tend to support or, a totally different point of view if you so desire to discuss
The essay that you wrote does not follow the expected format for the discussion. An alternative discussion presentation would have been:
POV 1: Explain the public point of view, add your dis/agreement within the discussion and explain why.
POV 2: Explain the next point of view, again add your dis/agreement towards the end of the paragraph and explain why.
Between the two formats though, I would suggest that you use the first format, until you become fluent enough in discussions to be able to combine two differing points of view in one discussion paragraph.
Do not misunderstand, you presented a pretty good discussion. It is the presentation format that was incorrect. The presentation format is always indicated in the discussion instructions of the original prompt. That is always formed either in the form of a question or, as opinion discussion instructions. Be cognizant of the discussion instructions so that your essay will always follow the correct presentation format.