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IELTS Book 13 test 3 task 1 - Top 10 countries for the production and consumption of electricity

Waterloop 6 / 17  
Jul 10, 2020   #1

countries' electrical usage and supply in 2014

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons were relevant.

The bar chart gives information about top ten countries' electrical usage and supply in 2014. It is clear that China was the largest production and consumption of electricity while Korea Republic was the least among all. All countries except Germany had their electrical energy production more than consumption in billion kWh.

From the chart, we can see that China took the leading role in electrical industry, with 5398 billion kWh production and 5322 billion kWh consumption. Ranking next was the Unites states, its energy supply and usage were around 1000 billion kWh less than China's, they were 4099 billion kWh and 3866 billion kWh, respectively. Russia was the third major electrical energy production and consumption country, however, both categories were about one in five when compared to China's.

Following the rank, the countries after Russia were Japan, India, Canada, France and Brazil, these countries' electricity supply production were all approximately 100 billion kWh more than their electricity usage. Interestingly, Germany, which positioned after Brazil, was the only country that its electricity consumption was 526.6 billion kWh, outweighed supply of electricity by 64.1 billion kWh. Finally, Korea Republic was the least active country in electrical industry, for its electrical supply and usage were 485.1 billion kWh and 449.5 billion kWh.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,765 3095  
Jul 10, 2020   #2
The word countries signifies the plural form of "country" so there is no need to use an apostrophe after the S. You are indicating the plural form of the word, not ownership or anything else. You should have indicated the complete measurement indicators presented in the graph. You forgot to indicate the consumption requirement for the measurements. Always double check the information. Make sure you did not miss any important indicators in the summary overview.

Your second and third paragraphs are run-ons. There should have been a period separating some of the sentence thoughts. You clearly have individual sentence topics which you did not properly divide and present in the paragraph. Never combine several thoughts in one sentence. It creates confusion in your presentation and removes the ability of the reader to clearly understand your presentation. Do not be afraid to separate your thoughts into full stops. That is the best way to keep the paragraph clear and coherent. If you must, combine no more than 2 related topics in one sentence. Do not use too many words though otherwise that connected presentation will turn into a run on. Use only one comma to connect the thoughts and topics.

Your grammar still needs work. Try to complete some sentence development exercises alongside your essay writing practice tests. That way you can familiarize yourself with proper sentence structures and vocabulary usage. Both of which will help you a great deal in the development of your Task 1 writing skills. Don't get me wrong, your presentation is understandable. However the sentence structure problems will lead to a low GRA score and your imperfect vocabulary usage will result in lowered LR scores are well.
Jul 12, 2020   #3
I think "The bar chart gives information about top ..." is enough for your introduction and the rest of your paragraph should be in a separate paragraph as a overview for the chart.

Another thing is that I don't think it's a good idea to use phrase like " we can see" in writing task because it make your writing less formality.

Hope my feedback help you.
buiquynhhuong 3 / 6  
Jul 12, 2020   #4
In your first and second paragraphs, "production" and "consumption" were refrained too many time. I suppose some other synonyms should be used to replace those words to make your essay flow smoothly.

Besides, too much information included in a sentence makes the reader hard to understand your ideas.

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