Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

IELTS Book 13 test 3 task 1 - Top 10 countries for the production and consumption of electricity


liuy625 1 / 1  
Nov 2, 2020   #1

the rank of 10 countries (electricity)



The bar chart demonstrates the top ten countries with regards to the production and consumption amount of electricity in 2014.

The chart provides clear statistics that in 2014, China remained the top country in both electricity production and consumption with 5,398 billion kWh electricity being generated and 5,322 billion kWh being utilized in 2014. United States produced 4,099 billion kWh, about 1,300 billion less than that of China, while the figure of electricity consumption reached 3,866 billion kWh, which made United States the second largest country in both electricity production and consumption.

What follows China and United States are countries including both developing and developed ones. However, all of their statistics display a huge gap with the top two countries while seems equal to each other. Russia, ranked 3, produced 1,057 billion kWh and at the same time, consumed 1,038 billion kWh, which showed a great contrast with the top 2 countries but remained rather close to the top 4 country. Japan, whose figure in production and consumption was 936.2 and 856.7 respectively.

Overall, in 2014, China and United States contributed to the most part of production and consumprion of electricity. The other 8 countries still lagged behind the two countries and kept rather similar to each other.




Ann Lee 2 / 5 3  
Nov 3, 2020   #2
1. About the structure of the essay:
- Your essay did not cover data of Germany, Korea, Brazil, France, Canada and India while there were some repetitions when you described the data of China and USA. I think you should simply state that they ranked the 1st and 2nd in both production and consumption (number given...) -> There is an enormous gap between the 2 top and the others (number given)

- Some information that are describing: Germany is the only country that consumed more electricity than produced, the amount of electricity generated and used in the last (4 or 5) countries ranged from ... to ...

- I think that the conclusion is not necessary.
2. Some grammar mistakes:
- The chart provides clear ... 2014, ... production and consumption ... being generated ... being utilizedin 2014" --> sentence is too long and had some words repeated.

- "What follows China and United States are"
- "whose figure in ..." --> whose figures for ... were
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,124 3267  
Nov 3, 2020   #3
There is an unnecessary focus on the China v. USA discussion in this essay. It is unevenly presented as you did not give any attention at all to the remaining countries represented in the chart. The reporting on your end is incomplete because of this. Within even though you used a 4 paragraph format, your inability to properly group the presentation information into appropriate presentation sections prevented the essay from being clear and informative on the side of the reader. You are rushing through your information presentation as you only present run-on sentences. Just because you listed all of the information does not make it effective. Without a properly analyzed presentation, your data becomes irrelevant. Show distinct comparison topics between the countries so that you will be able to utilize all of the information presented in the chart.
OP liuy625 1 / 1  
Nov 6, 2020   #4
@Ann Lee
@Holt
Many thanks to your feedback!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Book 13 test 3 task 1 - Top 10 countries for the production and consumption of electricity