This is my first TOEFL essay, I appreciate any of your help, thank you!
Question: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to use printed material such as books and articles to do research than it is to use the internet. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
(466 words)
The Internet that we are used now is a very important part of our lives. It is a major source of information and the most important way of transmissing information like email, news, etc. Some people argue that it is better to use printed material such as books and articles for researching than the Internet, others would disagree. In my view, the Internet is a more effective way of collecting information for two important reasons.
The main reason is that Internet is the most quick and cheap way source of information compared to books. As the technology developes, you can get the latest articles, journals or news immediately just by a single search on the Internet, and you can read almost of them with the cost of free. Which helps students a lot especially when they are not making money. For example, when I was in high school, my physics teacher told the class to do a research about a field in physics, which I needed to go to the library to find books about it, but when I got there, there was no books remaining because all of them had been borrowed, so I had to buy my own book, which costs me 25 dollars. The book helped me a lot to do the assignment and I also had a good grade, but when I asked my friend, who got a better grade, he told me that the only source he got is the Internet, and especially he got it in a few seconds and at no cost. This experience taught me that Internet can be extremely helpful if we know how to ultilize it.
Another reason is that the Internet store a huge and latest source of information. Many people didn't know that you can get the latest information at most a few hours after the information is out. And now, as Internet is a part of our lives, more book companies do their business on the Internet, and you can read a book on the Internet for free, and researchers also publish their researches on the Internet. For instance, I usually subscribe to scientists on the Internet, and by that way, I always get the latest published articles from them, and by using those articles, I get new ideas and that helps me a lot in my work. As you can see, you can improve your work a lot by using Internet as a source of information.
In sum, though some may oppose, the Internet would be an essential part of our lives as a tool of collecting information. Not only the quick and cheap it is but also it contains the huge and latest source of information. Every one should know how to use the Internet as a part of their work.
I look at your essay generally. And it is essential to tell you about how to write a toefl essay.
First, you must prepare your essay in the standard form. I recommend you to read a book. It's name is "Speaking and Writing Strategies for the TOEFL iBT".
It is really described everything about writing.
Thank you, can you summarize in short what I need to improve?
I wanted to assist you with explaining how you can make your paper better. This will help you as you continue to improve your writing skills in English.
If you are speaking about the present and use the word "is", you shouldn't use the word "used" in the same sentence. In order to change this, you would tell the reader that: "The Internet that we use is now a very important part of our lives." Look throughout your paper to see if this pattern exists. You are close to the correct word in the next sentence. The word you should use is actually "transmitting" to describe information. The next sentence is good, you used the word than correctly and the reader could understand the comparison.
If you use, "In my view", it seems as if you are looking at something. However, If you use, "In my opinion", then you can begin to discuss how the Internet is an important resource for information. I also think you should change this sentence by combining everything you will discuss.
Ex: "In my opinion, the Internet is a more effective way of collecting information because it is quick, cheap, and stores the latest source of information." I used the first sentence in each paragraph to add to this sentence.
In the second paragraph, you would benefit from deleting some words. Ex: "In comparison with books, the Internet is the quickest and cheapest source of information". When you describe the cost, you can simply state you can read them for free rather than cost of free.
When you use the word "which", it is usually used to describe something and not to begin a sentence. Ex: I traveled to Hawaii, which is known for its beautiful beaches.
The next sentence is a run-on sentence because you are trying to put too much information into one sentence. Delete the "a" before research. End the sentence when you discuss you needed to find books about this topic. Start a new sentence to describe that when you arrived at the library, there were no books available. Since this happened in the past and you are describing books, you would change was to "were" and costs to "cost". The next sentence you want to follow the same format and change this run-on sentence. When you use commas, you are adding more information so there are too many ideas being discussed. When you discuss what your friend stated, you should state that your friend has a better grade on the same assignment. You should also look at your paper and make sure that you are using "the" before Internet when it is needed.
In the last paragraph, you say, "Not only the quick". You should change it to: "Not only is it..." When you use "it", the reader knows you are still discussing the Internet.
Wow, that really helped! Thank you! :)
This is a well thought out piece of writing! Your intro presents your argument, and then you presesent your point of view in two paragraphs.
The conclusion aptly sums it up. I could suggest a couple of changes, though.
To begin, I think you should add a third paragraph on the body part of your essay. You could say why books are better or why the Internet is ppoorer.
I had to by my own book...
Tell the reader another example of book studying where it wirkef out fine. A contrasting point can add interest to the essay.
You can still convincebecause more material is about the Internet being better: two paragraphs to one!
Everyone should know...
Youcant really make this a strong conclusion without naming the book as a close rival.
Your punctuation and grammar are good, as is yourvocabulary.
Just try my suggestion of a contrasting paragraph for a stronger written piece of work. I think that can only help to prove your point.
Good job!
ef _carol
Wow, you guys contributors are amazing, Thanks again! :D
Good article
I think its perfect but some correction is needed
like in ur both body paragraph i find the same information,in the first para u explain the benefit of internet with the example of information,access.although in the second para u agan start with same thing but later u change.
So my sugestion is that try to put different idea in different paragaraph.
