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'born in Dehiwala; life of opportunities' - Essay about "MySelf"


avanthihfc 1 / 1  
Jul 13, 2011   #1
Hi! good morning. My name is Avanthi Dissanayake. I was born in Dehiwala. But now i live in Kesbewa because we shifted in 2008. I'm the youngest in my family.There are for members in my family including me. I have a one elder brother. he is employed in a Bank. I'm 23 years old.I studied at Holy Family Convent. I did my A\L s in 2007.After finishing my school life I followed several courses like diploma in Computer studies,Marketing course and also a diploma in teaching. Now I'm teaching in my own school as an English teacher for Primary students.

I love teaching and teaching is the passion of my life.I'm always trying to enhance my English knowledge day by day to become a perfect teacher.At my leisure times I like to read books and news papers. and I also like to browse the Internet. I'm a very sensitive and a honest girl.I believe if you become honest to your self and for what your doing you can achieve better targets in your life. Let me share one of my experiences. As I mentioned earlier I left school in 2007.I faced to my A/Ls in Commerce stream and those days my entire goal was to become a Banker or Manger in a reputed company. I passed my A/L s in a satisfactory level and just after that I joint to Business IT diploma there I learned many subjects regarding commerce side.so the willingness to work in a private firm was increased day by day through that course. As to have more qualifications I started a degree in Business Administration.while I was doing those to higher studies I applied for many banks and firms. For my surprise I was called for many interviews by reputed firms and banks. But I couldn't get the job I wanted. I was totally disappointed. But i went through my courses successfully with flying colours.After that i stayed at home unemployed for about one and half years. My whole dreams had faded out.But i thought I should not stop there. I fixed my mind and set another target for my life. I decided to follow another course in Teaching. So i totally changed my stream.I did that course very well and as soon as i ended that course i applied to my school. I was called for an interview and i was successful from the very first interview in my teaching career.Now i put my whole effort and strength to convey my knowledge for young minds. So never regret when you couldn't achieve a one target. Life is full of opportunities. Only thing is you should find the correct opportunity that suits you.
amrosca 4 / 130  
Jul 14, 2011   #2
Hi! good morning. -- I think this is not part of the essay, but good morning to you too! And welcome to EF! :D

I think you should try to improve on flow. Read the essay out loud after finishing it. I know it's safe to go with short sentences, but they can really hack your writing up.

You could also try to revise prepositions a bit. I know they can be really stressful. [If you enjoy watching a TV series in English, try to listen to what characters are saying without subtitles. This is how I at least fixed most of such problems.]

Also, start new paragraphs to separate the body from intro and conclusion! It can be much easier to follow you through your essay. :)

_____________

* - shift(vb.; used with object) = to put (something) aside and replace it by another or others; change or exchange (e.g.: to shift friends; to shift ideas)

*- move(vb.; used with object) = to change from one place or position to another
OP avanthihfc 1 / 1  
Jul 14, 2011   #3
Thank you very much for the feed back
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 15, 2011   #4
Yes, it is best to omit "goodmorning" from the essay. I think it is a nice idea for making it personal and real, but... still, not quite right.

The first few sentences should surprise and interest the reader. The first few sentences should succinctly express the main idea for the whole essay. Do not make the reader wait a long time to figure out, "What is the message being given to me in this essay?" Let the reader know the message right away.

:-)

Do not capitalize the common noun:
I decided to follow another course in Teaching teaching.

So never regret when you couldn't an inability to achieve...

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