Test 5 TOEFL.What are some of the experiences that have shaped your outlook and the way you live now
Being born in the middle-class in a developing country limits the overall perception of society. In my case, I attended a private school, I didn´t hang out on the streets since it was dangerous and I had a small group of friends that wasn´t diverse. However, this limited perception changed when I was about to enter in the university.
When I was in my last years of high school, I was part of a religious group with fellow classmates. Although we had many things in common, we had to meet people that lived a completely different way of life as part of our volunteer work. Moreover, we had to visit slums, orphanages, villages and such environments that were completely different from our own. This taught me that there is no wrong way to live our life; and that we, as middle-class students, were privileged teenagers.
Furthermore, when I was studying in the university I did other kinds of volunteer work and learned a lot from it. I met people of all ages and all kinds, from drug addicts to thieves, from kids to elders; and had the great benefit of hearing what they had lived. Most of us would consider the people that steal or kill as a way of living to be pure evil; however, we must learn about their background first. Most of these persons I met had a reason to live that lifestyle: they had a terrible childhood, they were unjustly judged by the law and the society; and they lived in poor conditions. Thanks to these experiences, now I don´t see criminals as bad people, but as individuals that lost their way.
Nowadays, I try not to judge people for their appearances or their actions without knowing their story. I am not afraid of having drug addicts and unstable persons as friends because I know there is a probably good reason they lost their way, and alienating them won´t help them. Finally, I would encourage anyone that once lived in a small bubble like me to meet diverse people, those who have had a radically different life. In the end, we all can learn from others if we don´t judge them.
Hi Gabriel, you can see my analysis towards your essay in the detailed descriptions below. I hope you can follow through.
1st paragraph:
- Being born in the middle-class financial condition(of what?) in a developing country limits the overall perception of society. (what perception?)
- In my casePreviously , I attended a private school, I didn´tdid not hang out on the streets since it was dangerous and I had a small group of friends that wasn´twas not diverse. (I am not really sure about the content, but when you say "a small community that wasn't diverse" makes me think that this can be a racial issue. Just correct me if I'm wrong, I might get misconception.)
2nd paragraph:
- When I was in my last yearsIn the last year of high school, I was part ofjoined a religious group with fellow classmates.
- ...a completely different way of life as part of our volunteervoluntary work.
- This taught me that there is no wrong way to live our life; and that we, as middle-class students, were privileged teenagers. (confusing and ambiguous, this can possibly mean either robbery, murder, stealing and many bad deeds are okay because there is NO WRONG WAY to live our life after-all or people should appreciate other people's way of life . Consider revising it completely and take a closer look on the meaning once again)
At last but not least, I think that you've overused semicolons, and contractions. You need to avoid using them excessively in order to make your essay has a better format than now. Good luck in revising this essay :) (You can just post the revision below my comment.)
