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"born in the rural area of Chin" - pls. help revise: My background


tonydengcnu 23 / 17  
Nov 25, 2008   #1
I was born in the rural area of China. There, people do farm work day by day, struggling on the arable land. Children in such area become independent at an early age. They are able to go to school without parents and take good care of themselves. Due to an indisposition towards this kind of toilsome and inferior life, my parents took us away from that small village and established their own business. The lifelong experience of my parents exerts a great influence on me. I have set up my goal to be a successful man, like my parents, ever since I was a child.

In order to provide us with better educational opportunities, my parents worked from dawn till night every day. Sometimes, they were so busy that they only had one meal a day and merely rest for four to five hours. After years of hard work, my family moved from the countryside to the downtown. My younger brother and I also transferred from the simply equipped country school to the best private school in Beijing, which put much emphasis on an all-around education. There I learned calligraphy, accordion, side drum, and harmonicon. "What is real happiness?"My mother often asked me."To make progress every day and come closer to your dreams is real happiness," I got the answer from her. Their example revealed that one has to make arduous efforts to realize his dreams.

From childhood till I became an adult, I witnessed the great changes that have taken place in my family. Also, I understood the tremendous efforts my parents have paid, from the impoverished country to the capital city Beijing. Meanwhile, their life's journey has deeply inspired me.

They always tell me that a person should have ambitions and dreams. Maybe that is the gospel which encouraged them to come to Beijing and make their own way. All this motivate me both in my study and life. Child as I was, I made up my mind to create better life, repay my parents, and contribute myself to our society through my own efforts. Therefore, I persevere in everything I do. Besides, I am clearly aware of the principle,"No pains, no gains."

Influenced by my father, I am always concerned with information on banks. Books on economy prioritize my reading list, and I am fond of exploring problems relevant to this subject. In high school, I took economics as an elective course. As my knowledge of economics increases, I grew increasingly interested in it. I took each class seriously, because I knew that one cannot realize his dreams without a serious attitude or enterprising spirit. In the mean time, I enjoyed every minutes when I discussed economic problems with others. During my high school years, I did three researches: The Economy of Armenia and Luxembourg, The largest Economy in the World and The Economic development of Malaysia Kenya and Bahrain. They were all highly valued and praised. What I mentioned above contribute to my choice of economics for further study.

At present, I am looking forward to life in the future. I believe my parents' experience is my lifelong drive, which will enable me to be a promising man, and to achieve greater success. I am sure I will realize my dream, repay my parents as well as contribute my power to our society.

EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 25, 2008   #2
Good afternoon :)

I have edited the first section of your essay and included some general comments:

"I was born in the rural area of China. There, people do farm work day by day, struggling on the arable land. Children in such areas become independent at an early age. They are able to go to school without parents and take good care of themselves. Due to an indisposition towards this kind of toilsome and inferior life, my parents took us away from that small village and established their own business. The lifelong experience of my parents exerts a great influence on me. I have set up my goal to be a successful man, like my parents, ever since I was a child."

"Their example revealed that one has to make arduous efforts to realize his dreams." These subjects need to match; use one or the other, but not both.

"During my high school years, I did three researches:" should be "During my high school years, I did three research studies:"

I am not sure whether or not this piece answers the prompt because you didn't include it in your posting. It is well organized and flows nicely overall.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP tonydengcnu 23 / 17  
Dec 9, 2008   #3
thanks, it is a great help


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