Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Some are born with talents. Some are not. But an appropriate approach can help.


hungprovip0089 1 / -  
Mar 25, 2021   #1
It is generally believed that people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both ideas by giving your opinion


Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


There are many successful athletes and musicians in the world. Some are said to be talented. Others are believed to have tried very hard to achieve successes like today. In my opinion, both these types of people are so admirable, and I am sure that everyone had to practice industriously to become excellent at their field.

Talented people have some specific features that others do not. They often showed their ability when they were a kid. Moreover they are easy to learn and apply their knowledge. So their parents soon recognize their ability and let them go to class to improve their abilities. Therefore, they have experiences from the early ages. But even if they have gifted abilities, they also need to practice. Because no one can not achieve anything without maintaining and extending their levels.

On the contrary, untalented people have no special ability. They can not learn as easily as the talented ones so they must put in a lot of efforts. However, a right approaching and encouragement from both parents and school can help everyone develop themselves properly. Besides that, passion is also a factor maintaining the motivation in order to pursue one's dream.

In conclusion, I think people are all geniuses. Everyone has their own mysterious ability and he or she has not shown it yet. It is necessary for schools and parents to observe and make conditions for their students and their children to develop and also encourage them. In my country, there is a famous saying "On the way to success, there is no trace of lazy men", which means that no one can gain any target without persistence and hard-work. .
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447  
Mar 26, 2021   #2
You have an almost perfect presentation here. The only problem, is that you used your personal opinion as a concluding paragraph rather than presenting it as a required third reasoning paragraph, with the summary conclusion presented after. You have actually written just enough words and avoided enough errors to create a well developed essay, were it not only for the error in the concluding paragraph.

In terms of GRA consideration, you mistakenly used the connecting words "Because" and "But" at the start of the sentences in the first reasoning paragraphs. The English grammar rules state that conjunctions cannot be used at the start of a sentence due to the very purpose of the word. Conjunctions are used only to connect 2 discussion points, that would otherwise we separated, in a sentence. Since that is not the situation upon which the words were used, these will result in GRA point deductions for you.


Home / Writing Feedback / Some are born with talents. Some are not. But an appropriate approach can help.