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IELTS TASK II : Born talents or Experiences - which is the major influence?


SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 25, 2014   #1
Research indicates that the characteristic we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

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Characteristics and experiences might influence personality and development in people life. Therefore, some thoughts argue one of them should be more dominance than others. I contemplating the experiences have enormous impact otherwise characteristics were.

Human disposition and growth may pertinent substance which is carried through parent inheritance. Obviously, there are several examples from family with similar interesting with their parents such as The Jackson Five. They loving in singing are the evidence of parent gene transformation while in the developing, this trait may become their succeed modality to well-known throughout the world. On the other field of interest, there are Ananda Mikola and Moreno Suprapto who are announced as sibling racer from Indonesia.

However, the nurture proponents claiming that the environment, related to experience, influences in shaping the way a person develop. A considerable example can be found to substantiate this argument. Children may understand about a hurt as an electricity shock after they experienced touching naked cable. Therefore, this experience may develop them to be uncurious, to try something new, person because they have been experience traumatic backward.

I ponder experiences as the foremost stance in front due to human personality and development. A quotation from Sigmund Freud, psychoanalysis forefather, "Experience consists of experiencing that which one does not wish to experiences" substantiates my tendency. Although people with inherit develop resemble interest or personality but this just in few case. The evidence based that people who train in the powerful experience may develop their character and weaken their inherit side. As common evidence, majority Jakarta's inhabitants are tough enough because they have trained in the sophisticated situation even though they came from different origins.

In conclusion, however two kinds of variables take paradoxal portions in human influence. I considering the nurture may outweigh the nature due to either human disposition or talent in the following era.

Serapke 8 / 14  
Feb 25, 2014   #2
They loving in singing are the evidence of parent gene transformation, while in the developing, this trait may become their succeed modality to well-known throughout the world.

A considerable example can be found to substantiate this argument.

Unnecessary sentence.

Therefore, this experience may develop them to be uncurious , to try something new, personcautious because they have been experience traumatic backward.

The way you said it lets us believe that children are uncurious?!! I couldn't say that...
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 26, 2014   #3
Characteristics and experiences might influence personality and developmentinof people life .

Not "might", but they do influence :)
Characteristics and experiences both influence the personality and development of people.

Therefore, some thoughts argue one of them should be more dominance than others.

This is not what your prompt says. It states that characteristics we are born with dominate our personality development than experiences. You are asked to express your opinion on this and justify that. So, present the prompt as it has been told to you;

The personality and development of people are influenced by both their born characteristics and experiences. (hook) According to certain research studies, the characteristics we are born with play a dominant role in determining our personality and development. (background of the hook). However, in my personal belief, I think the experiences have more influence on our personality and development than born characteristics. (thesis statement)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Feb 26, 2014   #4
Although people with inherit develop resemble interest or personality but this just in few case.

This is a fragment sentence . Revised:
Although many inherited people develop a close resemblance between interest and personality, this separately considers few cases.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 26, 2014   #5
The way you said it lets us believe that children are uncurious?!! I couldn't say that...

I want to mention children become uni-interest to try something new as caused of the traumatic event. But

o be uncurious , to try something new, person cautious because

this advice is quite coherence, thank you :)

Thanks God. Dumi can you read my mind ? I just confusing about making appropriate paraphrasing in introduction and your comment answer my confusing. Thank you :)

The personality and development of people are influenced by both their born characteristics and experiences. (hook) According to certain research studies, the characteristics we are born with play a dominant role in determining our personality and development. (background of the hook). However, in my personal belief, I think the experiences have more influence on our personality and development than born characteristics. (thesis statement)

Not "might", but they do influence :)

would you kindly tell me, in which time we should use modals as the way to write politely and the time we used strong words ?

*I hope my answer is quite understandable :D

heloooo, eddies....

This is a fragment sentence

I have to learn more about fragment and main sentence. But overall, may you give an appraisal about my writing.Is it answer the task responses, in any band thank you ?
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 27, 2014   #6
Human disposition and growth may pertinent substance which is carried through parent inheritance.

I like if you avoid such advance vocabulary for very simple ideas. When you have inappropriate words , a few together, your main idea gets quite distorted. This is what I, dumi and some other contributors have been telling you in most of your essays. First give priority to express your ideas very clearly. No matter how simple the words are, but you need to organize the flow of your essay first. Then you can keep improving the vocab. It's like starting from elementry and end up with a PHD. You cannot start with PHD !
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 27, 2014   #7
hy, Pahan.

give priority to express your ideas very clearly. No matter how simple the words are, but you need to organize the flow of your essay first.

As far as I am feel, many comments before give me correction technically.what I want to mention is they corrected my grammatical, but I often did not understand why it should be change, why it should omit and so on. Day by day, I have little understanding about grammar, and the next goal is making my writing easy to read. Yap thank you very much for this advice.

t's like starting from elementry and end up with a PHD. You cannot start with PHD !

Yap, I am elementary, and for elementary student like me, I hope you still correct my writing :DDDD


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