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Brad Pitt Cleared in Child Services Investigation


fadhilmd25 41 / 75 11  
Nov 11, 2016   #1
The inquiry of determining whether there was crime acted by Brad Pitt towards his own son remained clear without any charges. The Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services tried to seek the truth regarding this case, which occurred to his child during the flight in mid-September and found non-guilty evidences. However, this momentum used by his wife, Angelina Jolie, to condemn this issue to seek sole custody of her children. In responses towards her action, the court agreed with Pitt to make it joint custody rather than single childcare right. Even though the regulation to conduct joint custody has not published yet by the court, the process will remain unpredictable
ibe13 36 / 50 9  
Nov 11, 2016   #2
AlohaFadil, here is my thought;

(1) your summary is too short, just four sentences. Therefore, you'd better make it longer between 150 and 250 words
(2) you have two subjects in a sentence e.g.The inquiry of determining whetherandthere was crime [...] just choose onethe inquiry or there

(3) However, this momentum was used by his wife, [...]
yurikeyuri 43 / 61 2  
Nov 14, 2016   #3
Hello Fadhil, let me give you my correction

... and found non-guilty evidencesevidence .

this momentum was used by his wife (because past tense form)

thank you
Bams17 28 / 43  
Nov 14, 2016   #4
... there was crime WAS (PASSIVE VOICE S+BE+V3 ) acted by Brad Pitt ... ( CONFUSING SENTENCE AND THERE IS NO VERB, I THINK THAT WILL BETTER IF YOUR SENTENCE IS SIMPLE)

The Los Angeles CountR y Department of (...) Services tried to seek (...) which (S+V) occurred to his child ...

However, this momentumIS used by his (...), to condemn this issueto seek sole custody of her children ( S+ V AGREEMENT).


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