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Brain Drain is a dangerous phenomenon that prevails in our society


mokyfreind 1 / -  
Feb 23, 2013   #1
hi
it's my first participation and please help me

It is crystal clear that brain drain is a dangerous phenomenon that prevails in our society.In this article I would like to point out some push factors of brain drain.

They are several reason which urge highly-skilled people to diffrent place on the world specially developed countris.

Poverty is one of the major push factors:A lot of people prefer living abroad in order to show their expertise and send some money to their poor family.Moreover , in some countris like Mali , Ghana... clever students are forced to leave their home owing to the lack of security and political instability which produce in some case civil war.Finally , no job oppotunities and drop in salaries is the main cause of brain drain, for exemple, in morocco , a lot of ingenieur and persons whith high degree have no job , so , they find that immigration is the only solution

In my opinion , I think that the governement must provide serous solutions to this phenomenen in order to protect their highly-skilled people.

thank you

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 23, 2013   #2
What is the purpose of this essay?
It looks like you are preparing for IELTS or TOEFL. If so, this essay is too short to meet the minimum number of required words. Also, you need to follow the essay structure that they expect. It has to be at least four paras that include Introduction, Two Body Paras and the Conclusion.

It is crystal clear that brain drain is a dangerous phenomenon that prevails in our society.

.... tell briefly why it is dangerous... sounds too vague otherwise

They are several reason which urge highly-skilled people to diffrent place on the world specially developed countriscountries .

This comes as one whole para.... that's two short. You also need to tell what are those reasons

Poverty is one of the major push factors. (have a full stop and break )A lot of people prefer living abroad in order to show their expertise and send some money to their poor family.

A lot of people prefer living abroad in order to show their expertise and send some money to their poor family

.... you need to link with your previous idea;
This is the main reason why many people who are qualified and skilled would prefer to go abroad thinking that they can live better lives there.
christyj 5 / 15  
Feb 23, 2013   #3
Hai...

Your essay is too small.
Use more vocabularies and more words..

All the best..

Christy
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 24, 2013   #4
It is crystal clear that brain drain is a dangerous phenomenon that prevails in our society.In this article I would like to point out some push factors of brain drain.

They are several reason which urge highly-skilled people to diffrent place on the world specially developed countris.

Your paragraphs are unbelievably short. You need to work on the start and body of the essay more.
There are several reasons which urge highly skilled people to different parts of the world, especially developed countries.

Your writing skills are actually good. :)

There are some more reasons for this.. People who want to pursue their higher studies abroad might settle down because they get so used to the environment there. And also many people go abroad because they do not have enough scope in the fields they have specialized in..


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