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Ielts Essay : Brain drain from poor countries - seeking for solutions

senuthilini 5 / 16 1  
Feb 26, 2018   #1
An increasing number of professionals, Such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problem does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

Educated, skilled people' choice to move abroad

More and more professionals from developing and impoverished countries are choosing to live and work in rich countries. This trend has resulted in adverse effects on the quality of service in most of the underdeveloped nations. This essay will suggest government encouragement to the professionals to live and work in their own country as a better solution to tackle this matter.

The foremost problem faced by developing nations due to the professional migration is the lack of skilled workers for improving the quality and care of their service-oriented fields such as medicine and education. Due to the shortage of the professionals, the government has to struggle to ensure the quality and stability of their community services. As an example, having not enough professionals in education field can result in low literacy rate of the nation and inherently affect the social development of the country as well.

Encourage professionals to work and live in their origin country is an effective solution to cope with this matter. Most of the well-educated people are migrating because of the unreasonable wages and poor living qualities of the developing countries. Therefore, the government can consider the attractive salaries and benefits to reassure the living conditions of professionals. For instance, recently Sri Lankan government has initiated a tax deduction schema for specific professional groups to motivate and appreciate their service.

In conclusion, Brain drain is a leading problem for many developing nations. This situation has caused unfavourable impacts on the quality of services of many underdeveloped countries. Government encouragement to the professionals by facilitating more benefits and providing reasonable salaries can tackle this issue.

Number of words: 267

* I stated only one problem and a solution. Will it be enough? If I put more than one problem, it will exceed the word count.

* If you can see any grammar mistakes, please state one/ two example sentences so it will help me to identify my issues.
* Please let me know your reviews and possible band for this essay.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,621 2516  
Mar 1, 2018   #2
thilini, one problem and one solution, fully developed within the 3 body paragraph is more than sufficient for this type of essay. You do not have the space nor the time to discuss more than number anyway. Going over the 250 word minimum is fine provided you do not hit 300 words or more because you will most likely run out of editing time for your essay. If you don't have the time to edit your work, then you could suffer some avoidable downgrading of points if only you had the time to edit.

The first problem that I found in this essay is in the opening paragraph. Your first sentence is still too similar to the original so that it sounds almost like a cut and paste of the original. You also presented your immediate opinion of the problem and proposed the solution in the succeeding paragraphs. The opening paragraph is always used to only represent your English comprehension skills or understanding of the original prompt. The actual topics for discussion are saved for the actual 3 body of paragraphs.

You need to have a discussion consistency in this instance. That means, when you have chosen to represent the medical field in your discussion, you cannot suddenly change the example of the problem from medical to educational. That creates a confusion for the reader because you set up a different tone for the discussion at the start then presented a totally different supporting example for it. It is like telling a person that you will serve orange juice then suddenly, without informing the person, serve him a soda instead. There will be a sense of shock and wonder at the sudden change in discussion presentation.

Your essay is short by one body of paragraphs in the discussion. Remember, you always score higher when you present a complete 5 paragraph essay because you have room to further develop your discussion and prove your skills in the 4 scoring criteria. The next paragraph should have explained Why encouraging workers to stay in their own country to work is a possible solution to the problem. Then the third paragraph could have been a more thorough explanation of how the government can successfully implement such a solution.

The conclusion is acceptable. However, the title of your essay is not. Read up on the rules for writing essay titles. Every word of the title, including proper nouns but not connecting words must be capitalized. Overall, I think you can score a 6 with this essay.

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