IELTS writing Task 1 about how much money a city council gave to book clubs and the club members
(NB: i am sorry i cannot insert the graph pictures because the image in my book)
A breakdown of the amount of fund that a city government contributes to book associations during four years period is measured in pound sterling and the total members of book clubs are shown by line graphs. Taking everything into consideration, the number of book association members and the sum of fund given by a city council had increase trends in both of them.
The sum of fund was given by a city ruler in the first year stood at 20,000 and was reached a peak at 40,000 in the third years. Moreover, there was a decreased trend of the sum money of a city government was given to book clubs in the fourth year by 5000. In the other hand, the number of book club members reached 6,000 and continued by gradually decreased to 5000 in the second year.
There was an increased dramatically the number of club members in the third year at 10,000 and reached a peak at 12,000 in the fourth year. Furthermore, in the second year to third year, there was the same raise trend between the sum of fund was given by a city government and the number of book club members.
hello dioba, maybe I dont give correction about speeling, this is my correction for you.
when you writing don't forget this:
Firstly, Coherence (all ideas should be easily understood by the reader). Secondly, Composition (use the correct essay structure). Then, Answer the question fully (cover all points asked in the task statement) and the last is cohesion (link ideas, paragraphs, sentences together). Thanks
Hello dioba.
personally, i really appreciated your essay. you have a good essay.
but, i want to give you some suggestion for your essay because there are some corrections especially in writing "facts/trends"
as noun [Adj (noun)+ Vern (noun)] e.g. a dramatic increase / a sharp decrease etc.
as verb [Verb+Adj] e.g. increased dramatically / decreased sharply etc.
The sum of fund was given by (...) stood at 20,000 and was reached a peak at 40,000 in the third years . Moreover, there was a decreased trend of the sum money of a city government was given to book ...
... club members reached as much as 6,000 and continued by a gradually decreased to 5000 ...
There was a dramatic increaseincreased dramatically of the number of club ...
Furthermore, infrom the second year to (...) between the sum of fund was given by a city ...
well done. keep writing and good luck!
Hello! I will give you some opinions about your essay.
You can find it on google or capture it by your phone.
(1) ... measured in pound sterling, and the total ...
(2) ... and the sum (...) had an increase trends ...
(3) Moreover, there was a decreased trend of the sum money of a city government that was given ...
Correct me if I am wrong. Please kinda check your sentence again in 'a decrease trend' because it should be a noun phrase which contains article, adjective and noun. Meanwhile your sentence contains of article verb and noun
(4) ... club members reached at 6,000 and continued by gradually decreaseda gradual decrease to 5000 ...
(5) There was an increased dramaticallya dramatical increase in the number of ...
