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A breakdown of the information about the number of visits on the two fresh created music websites


mem77 62 / 98 6  
Nov 10, 2016   #1
The Line Chart : The Number of Visitors on Two New Music Website

A breakdown of the information about the number of visits on the two new music websites is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, despite having an upward trend, pop parade music site becomes the highest visits by people.

According to the chart, in the first day, pop parade music site has higher proportion than music choice site which shows 120,000 and 40,000 respectively. After that during the second to seventh days, the rate of pop parade music decreases gradually and shows the least proportion at around 20,000. However, the music choice site illustrates a fluctuated level during the days. It also shows narrows gaps down with others figure in the seventh day.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that during eighth to eleventh days, the number of visitors' pop parade music site increases dramatically to around 140,000 while the proportion of music choice website still shows a fluctuated rate. However, in the twelfth day, the number of visitors on music choice web shows a significant increase and overtakes the place of the highest one at 120,000. Finally, in the fifteenth day, the proportion of pop parade music site overtakes the place and reaches a peak, while music choice site shows a decrease rates in this day.



ibe13 36 / 50 9  
Nov 10, 2016   #2
Aloha, here is my thoughts;

(1) A breakdown of the information about the number of visits on the two new music websites(please paraphrase this by your own words) is illustrated in the line chart. (add your information about timeframe and measurement of this essay)

(2) Overall, despite having an (...) the highest visits by people.(Actually it is hard to understand, so I suggest that your overview should cover all of general trend given)

(3) According to the chart, in the first day, pop parade music site ...initially, the proportion of Pop Parade Music starts at 120 thousand which is three times more than Music Choice

(4) After that during the second to seventh daysfrom day 2 to day 7 , the rate of pop ...
(5) Howeverin contrast , the music choice site illustrates ...

I hope it can be helpful and I am waiting for your feedback


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