Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

A breakdown of male and female inhabitants passing the driving test in a particular Asian nation


Jun 14, 2021   #1

Writing task 1 - bar chart report



The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.


Given is the bar chart depicting a breakdown of male and female inhabitants passing the driving test in a particular Asian nation during a forty-year period.

A brief assessment of the graph reveals that there was an upward trajectory in the proportions of both genders during the first three decades. Interestingly, the figures of females invariably outnumbered their male counterparts throughout the surveyed period.

It is patently obvious that the period during 1980 and 2000 saw a gradual climb in the proportions of female test-takers. To exemplify, the year 1980 occupied roughly 48%, after which the figure increased a shade to 51% in the next one year before reaching a record high of approximately 70% in 2000. A moderate swell of 3% was observed in the researched data of females in 2010.

Apparently, men experienced similar patterns as women in the equivalent timespan (1980 to 2000) with notably lower figures, occupying 28%, 37%, and 49.5% respectively. It is striking that the percentage of males who passed the test remained unaltered in 2010, at 49.5 %, which was 13.5% low compared to 63% of females.

Can you give me a band score for this task, please?



Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,224 3651  
Jun 15, 2021   #2
particular Asian nation

It would be better for your LR score ilt you use the phrase " in no particular Asian nation " instead. When you say "in particular" that connotes the naming of a nation, which you cannot do since it was not provided. Saying "no particular" avoids the need to name a specific country.

forty-year period.

This reference is too general. It can refer to any year coverage. Refer to the specific years to help clearly inform the reader.

It is patently obvious

This is a redundancy since patently already means obviously. Do not repeat your word usage. Your synonym usage did that in this sentence.

period during 1980 and 2000

A period refers to successive, not selective years. This should say :

... period ranging from 1980 to 2000...

to clearly refer to a time progression. Improper sentence formation blurrs your info clarity.

Specific areas for review and improvement:
1. Grammar range and sentence structuring
2. Vocabulary and synonym usage

Your analysis is acceptable but could be shorter. A single image reference should be no more than 7 paragraphs long.

* Kindly contact me privately for comprehensive scoring services.


Home / Writing Feedback / A breakdown of male and female inhabitants passing the driving test in a particular Asian nation