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A breakdown of the various difficulties that citizens have when they live in a novel country


aflah15 32 / 18 4  
Jan 19, 2016   #1
A breakdown of the various difficulties that citizens have when they live in a novel country regarding to three different age groups and measured in percentage is illustrated in a bar chart. At first glance it is evident that the problems are faced by majority people aged 35-54 which sorting out healthcare is the most complicated problem.

The essential problem for residents are sorting out healthcare. There is a small gap between people aged 35-54 and over 55 who find healthcare as a problem in their life, by 2%. In contrast, just a few youngest group (18-34 years) experience this problem, at 32%. Another crucial problem for people in the middle group (35-54) is financial, over a third of the total. Likewise, the young people aged 18-34 shows 33%. In this case, the proportion of older age group is the smallest number, at 28%.

Turning to the less important difficulties, finding schools for children. People over 55 years find this easier, a very small number, at about 2%. The youngest group provides three times more of the total than older group. However, middle age group still has the biggest percentage, approximately 20%.




vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 19, 2016   #2
Siti, you need to learn to better develop the subject of your paragraphs. The lack of subjects make the paragraphs less informative and portrays you as being disinterested in the topic that you are being made to report on. I provided suggestions and corrections below.

... live in a novel NEW country regarding to BASED ON three ... illustrated in a THE bar chart. At first glance, ... faced by A majority OF people ... which FOR WHOM sorting out healthcare is the most complicated problem.

The essential BIGGEST...residents are IS sorting out ... just a few OF THE youngest group... ... middle AGE group (35-54) ... Likewise, the young people aged 18-34 shows 33%...

- Of what problem?

... of THE older age group is the smallest number, at 28%.

... less important difficulties DIFFICULTY OF , finding schools for children. , People over 55 years, ABOUT 2 PERCENT, find this easier, a very small number, at about 2% .
The youngest group provides three times more of the total than older group.
- Three times more of what?

However, middle age group still has the biggest percentage, approximately 20%.
- Please indicate the subject of the sentence.
faarasyad 7 / 15 7  
Jan 19, 2016   #3
Hi aflah15

here are some corrections regarding to your introduction.

A breakdown of the various difficulties that citizens have ...

A breakdown of the proportion of various difficulties had citizens in foreign countries categorized in three different age groups is illustrated in a bar chart. At first glance, it is noticeable that the commonest problem faced by the majority of people is healthcare. While monetary is a rank first for young generation, children's school experiences a reverse.

(it is always better for you to write two sentences in your overview)


thanks and good luck!!!
Saputra Putra 23 / 10 6  
Jan 19, 2016   #4
Hei Afla, Let me give you a hand

A breakdown of the various difficulties that citizens have ... (It will be better if you write down 2 sentences for overview)

An alternative : A breakdown of the figure for diverse setback faced by people moving in a foreign country is showed in the bar chart. This is measured in percentage. As per chart, the data is divided into three cohorts: people aged 18-34, 35-54 and over 55. This is important to notice that the most noticeable change involved the level of seeking out schools for their children and those sorting out a healthcare. More people acknowledged healthcare problem as the most difficult one while the converse appeared to be true for young people.

.
Niam01 6 / 7 2  
Jan 20, 2016   #5
@aflah15

....the problems are faced by majority elderly people aged over 35 yearsaged 35-54 which sorting out healthcare is the most complicated problem.

The essential problem for residents when they living aboard [make it clear] are sorting out healthcare.


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