Unanswered [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 6


Bribery in Morocco - citizens should stand against their leaders.



start208 14 / 68  
Apr 24, 2011   #1
In many countries around the world, people are ready to give bribe though they know it is uncivilized manner. Morocco is one of these countries where people, both responsibles and citizens, are addict to bribery. I strongly believe that bribery is a giant problem which deters Morocco from a real development and if the government takes strict procedures against bribery, the country will over pass almost all its problems.

Many Moroccans claim their country is democratic and it respects human rights. However, this is not true, others say, because ordinary citizens are suffering lot from many daily problems including bribery, a social disease that kills happiness and enthusiasm of poor people. The indifference of the authorities is the major reason for the spread of this bad manner in the society. If the government is serious about the issue, establishing...

kleinhenz 1 / 3  
Apr 26, 2011   #2
In the first sentence, "bribe" should be changes to "bribes." Also, I think using it would make the sentence stronger if you used "even though" or "although" instead of just "though." "Manner" is awkward and should probably be removed. I would rewrite the whole sentence as, "In many countries around the world, people are ready to give bribes even though they know it is an uncivilized thing to do." The second sentence is also somewhat awkward. I would change "Morocco is one of these countries, where people..." to "Morocco is a country, where people..." That just flows better. Additionally "addict" should be changed to "addicted." The article "a" in front of "real development" is unnecessary. "over pass" isn't really correct usage. Probably say "overcome" instead.

In the first sentence of the second paragraph, the "it" in front of "respects human rights" is unnecessary and should be removed. English doesn't require a noun or pronoun in front of every verb as long as it is clear what thing the verb is referring to. "However, this is not true" should be a sentence on it's own. "Others say," should begin a new sentence. "lot" should be replaced by "a lot" since that is the common usage. As it stands the sentence is a fragment. Because requires two clauses, "Because of this, this." You only have one. The sentence would be fine if you just entirely deleted the "because." I would rewrite the last sentence of the second paragraph as "If the government is serious about establishing and fulfilling laws about this issue, both the citizens and the responsibles will make sure not to give nor get bribes" Again, notice the plural "bribes." It's unclear what responsibles refers to. Are they government ministers?

The third paragraph is mostly alright. In the last sentence, "cares to it" should be changed to "cares about it". Also "everybody" is one word not two. "decision in the side of" should be changed to "decision on the side of." "Charged of" should be changed to "charged with." These are just the accepted prepositions that go with those verbs.

The last two sentences are unclear. I think the use of "Suffice it to say" is particularly unclear. I would change it to "Since Mooroccan leaders are the first to benefit from bribery, they will never be serious about fighting it; hence citizens should stand against their leaders."

Overall, it has quite a few usage errors and unclear sentences, but if you make the corrections I suggested I think it would be fine.
OP start208 14 / 68  
Apr 26, 2011   #3
hello Joseph. Thank you so much about the time u spare to correct my essay. I like the way you corrected me. I wish you correct my next essay. By the way, I am practising writing because I will sit for an exam this summer. Thanks again.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Apr 27, 2011   #4
However, this is not true, others say, because ordinary citizens are suffering lot from many daily problems including bribery, a social disease that kills happiness and enthusiasm of poor people.

What a beautiful sentence this is! You write well...

Here are some ideas:
However, others say this is not true because ordinary citizens are suffering lot from many daily problems associated with corruption, a social disease that kills happiness and enthusiasm of poor people. The indifference of the authorities is the major reason for the spread of bribery in society. If the government is serious about...

I made a few small changes here. I don't think bribery is the disease. I think it is a symptom. The disease is "corruption."

You have an extra f here:
If there is a serious decision in the side of the authorities to stop bribery in morocco, there should be a committee charged of f the execution of the law against this undesired phenomenon.

:-)
OP start208 14 / 68  
Apr 27, 2011   #5
thanks a lot Ef kivn. I hope you will be there tomorrow to correct another essay I am writing about Moroccan Educational system.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
May 7, 2011   #6
Many factors cause Morocco to lag behind a number of developping countries in different domains including education.

Morocco has been performing a series of reforms to improve national education and make it contribute to economic, cultural and social development; yet, several obstacles stand...---Nice job!

The main hardel hurdle is economic.

Capitalize:
First, there...

typo: misxing

:-)


Home / Writing Feedback / Bribery in Morocco - citizens should stand against their leaders.
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳