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British societies facing more problems caused by globalisation. WHY BREXIT HAPPENED?

Bams17 28 / 43  
Nov 15, 2016   #1
Why Brexit happened.

Ted speaker said that Brexit phenomenon is the good decision to Britain societies to face more problem caused by globalisation. This phenomenon gives big impact to the Europe, because it is not about politic, but more that, Brexit phenomenon are engaging many things around the world such as education, trade, and social. The speaker said, It Is not about right and life but to serve British societies from crisis globalisation and it is about tax, economy and politic. There are two facts that speaker tell, the first is degree of immigration and refugee always increase every year. They come from more countries the world. This phenomenon will leads Britain to the bad impact. It is not about tolerance, open society, and inclusive but it is to keep nationalism from negative globalisation effect. Based on speaker experience they find out that British people completely open and tolerance. Overtime, Globalisation and immigrant can be vanishing their culture and all of the aspects such as language, behaviour and education. The second fact is Liberalism international will threaten the nationalism of Britain civil. The New way of globalisation cause open liberal people in the Britain therefore government should give protection to keep and manage the globalisation. Britain believe that this policy will reduce the Immigrant, refugee and can manage globalisation effectively. Brexit will divide among civil life, culture ,education, and globalisation.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,033 4247  
Nov 15, 2016   #2
Hi Bambang, I was just wondering, who was the speaker at the forum? I mean, I know who the speaker is because I watched the video. But if you are presenting this information to a person who doesn't have access to the video and can only read your summary of the talk, you will leave that person wondering about who the speaker is, what his background is that makes him an authority to discuss the Brexit vote, along with the where and why he was invited to give this lecture. You gave some pretty simple overviews of the information from the video. I wish you had developed the explanations with at least 2 sentences more for each. Just so that you could have enlightened the reader a bit more about the topics covered during the video talk. Not a bad summary though. I know you will continue to improve your summary skills as you progress with your practices.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Nov 15, 2016   #3
Hi Bambang,

I think that you forgot something that matters in a summary. You forgot to mention WHO the speaker is. It might look simple but a summary cannot be considered a summary if it gives unclear information, particularly the most important one. Also, your essay has major errors in grammatical range and accuracy. This is actually one of the essential criteria that might help you to increase your score in IELTS writing later on.

These are the list of the most noticeable errors on your summary:
- ...because it is not about politics , but more than that, Brexit phenomenon areis ... (try to look back to the beginning of the sentence, "..phenomenon gives.." Why make it plural if it was previously singular?)

- This phenomenon will leadslead Britain to theexperience/feel/have/take the bad impact. (is "bad impact" the appropriate phrase?)
- Globalisation and immigrant can be vanishinglose their culture and all of the important aspects such as ...
- Britain believeS that this...
- Brexit will divide people intoamong civil life, culture, education, and globalisation.

Hope this helps :)

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