ADVERTISING INFLUENCES PEOPLE TO BUY THINGS SUCH AS CLOTHES AND SHOES. WHAT ARE THE PROBLEMS CAUSED BY THAT? WHAT SOLUTIONS CAN BE GIVEN?
It is true that manipulating broadcasting to promote advertisements about clothes, fashion is a prevailing trend in many developing countries. There are a variety of possible reasons for this, but steps can definitely be taken to tackle the problem.
In my opinion, two main factors are to blame for the way people expend money on shopping garments. Firstly, the globalization process presents people to be benefical to humans being. For example, consumers can be quickly revised all the demands throughout the advertisements, so that they are easily effected by many gorgeous photos-retouching from companies. Additionally, some publicities encourage scale of inferior products to confuse the buyers. Therefore, there are many window-shopping accidents when people do not receive what they have ordered.
There are several actions that could be taken to eradicate the problems described above. Media companies need to produce the high-quality advertising to heighten awareness off consumers. And the most obvious solution is for the adults and all the parents is to provide their children with accurate information about financial management then they could buy only necessary things.
In conclusion, several factors have led to undermine social values, but measures are available to tackle this problem.
1. To enhance your score, try to substitute the word "in my opinion" --> in my perspective, in my point of view, etc
and also the words "in conclusion" --> overall, to summarize, by and large, etc.
2. In your second paragraph, when you write "firstly" there must be "secondly" or "finally" in the next sentence.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 @hanhhnhii since this is a task 2 essay, the opening statement is reserved for the opening paraphrase. It is not to be used for the immediate discussion of the essay topic. You need to first, introduce the reader to the topic and the discussion instructions because the assumption is that the reader has no access to the original prompt requirement and as such, you will need to explain it in your own words for their understanding. The paraphrase is:
People are often motivated to buy consumer goods through advertising. This presents some problems for the buyers. This essay will present some of the problems that the persuasive advertisements pose for the consumers. After which, suggestions as to how to avoid or solve these problems will be given.
Since your opinion is not being asked for in the original prompt, you should not kick off the body of paragraphs with "In my opinion". Use only public references in the discussion as that is what is required in this essay. If your opinion were needed, the original prompt would have said so.
All of your discussions only present a reason and an example, but no supporting statements to strengthen the claims in the paragraph. This is because you are using the 2 reason discussion instead of the more appropriate single reason presentation. Thus, your C&C score will be tremendously low.
Your essay should have at least 4 fully developed paragraphs, including the conclusion which summarizes the discussion. Your concluding statement should be at least 3 sentences long. You have 1 extremely short presentation, this will cause points deductions in your GRA and C&C scores.
@Holt
Thank you so muchhhhh!!!!<3
