Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

"No, no, not my brother! Anyone but him!" - narrative essay about my tragedy

nawal 2 / 2  
Feb 23, 2012   #1
Narrative Essay

Brother's Death

It was Monday, a school day. Waking up by the morning light with the thick coffee aroma filling the room, I yawned but was still lying down because of my laziness. I could feel the tender, warm sun wrapping around me. I stood up, nearly tumbling from the loss of balance and dressed for the last day of school. It was a long, hot walk to school.

After school, my friend Linda and I sat at her kitchen table, drinking fresh lemonade, listening to Linda's mom joke about how nervous Linda was about doing well in her final exams. Afterward, we planed to walk to the mall, and then watch a movie. Shortly, we were interrupted by a phone call from my cousin Noreen. I assumed she was calling to check up on the latest news about my baby brother.

Noreen proceeded to tell me that the ambulance had come and taken my baby brother. The horror began. I tearfully asked, "Is he ok?" With hesitancy and a sorrow filled voice she said, "He's dead". I screamed over and over again, "No, no, not my brother! Anyone but him!" and I broke down, crying.

I felt as if I was paralyzed, I felt like I was suffocating; as if a giant hand was clamped around my heart. I had a blank look on my face. Afterward, my family and some friends came for the funeral. I was standing in the middle of the family room, as the words "He's dead" pierced my heart like daggers of ice. I started crying in disbelief and then, ran to my mother's room screaming and yelling. The realization that I would never see him again painfully struck me.

It was hectic after my brother's death. It took my mom and me 2 years to get through a day without crying. The grief of losing a brother is something no one understands unless they have experienced it. It is amazing how many things we take for granted. We make plans for the day, and do not think twice about how those plans can be taken away in the blink of an eye.

Mks57 1 / 4  
Feb 26, 2012   #2
Tell how he died specially and why. What did you do to honor his memory? How did you deal with it? Withdrawal or religion? What did your mother or others consol you with?
bahamaessay 2 / 4  
Feb 26, 2012   #3
zhey new here. i very much like this essay. I think you could have made the Second paragraph a little biut more lively . Possibly adding a little more detail and something to draw the reader in.

Home / Writing Feedback / "No, no, not my brother! Anyone but him!" - narrative essay about my tragedy