Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

[IELTS Writing task 2] Building houses in existing cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas?

thuytien700 1 / -  
Jun 22, 2021   #1

More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations.

Would it be better to build houses in existing towns and cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas?

With the unprecedented growth of population in many countries around the world today, residential needs are increasingly growing. Many people hold the view that it is better to install new construction in existing cities as it is convenient for dwellers and authorities. However, I believe that this strategy is just a short-term one, developing new towns in far-flung areas is the practical and strategic solution.

First and foremost, the infrastructure system in the metropolis is even better than that in rural regions. In addition, existing cities provide all sorts of facilities and equipment immediately. As a result, the government does not have to face a huge financial burden of transportation and storage costs of building materials. Furthermore, since the majority of industrial factories are distributed in central cities or their outskirts, it is easy for citizens to access their workplaces and possess many opportunities to make a living. Consequently, the living quality of inhabitants would be enhanced and the problem of unemployment could be solved.

However, improving dwellings in rural areas is an effective solution in the long run. Firstly, construction in central cities arouses a plethora of issues disturbing residents. Pollution is likely one of the most serious problems which not only affects public health but also damage the local ecology. According to a recent study, nearly 58% of people in megacities have more possibility to obtain respiratory diseases than people living in the countryside. Secondly, new communities attract more enterprises and develop local businesses. That tendency assists far-flung areas in reducing the unemployment rate and boosts the local economy in specific and national one in general.

In conclusion, although there are several merits of building houses in existing towns or cities, it seems to me that developing new communities in local areas will provide many advantages for citizens and nation as well.

Hello, this is my essay and I am really looking forward to seeing your feedback and advice.
Thank you so much!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,062 4260  
Jun 24, 2021   #2
The prompt restatement and response is on target. There is a clear understanding of the topic and the reasoning, where applicable is sound. The discussion went off- focus in the first paragraph, because you were not providing a supporting discussion for your reason. This unrelated paragraph will not help the score as it does not relate to the opinion presentation. Rather, the opinion goes from clear and focused, to confusing and divided.

The examiner will disregard the first paragraph due to irrelevance This creates an underdeveloped reasoning presentation, upon which the C + C score will be based. Stay focused on strongly developing your opinion based an opinion related reasons and examples. Paragraphs 1 and 2 should relate to your opinion, avoiding a comparative discussion or an effort to justify both opinions in a single opinion essay.

There should not be a reference to previous studies and its data as that is not personal or public knowledge. The requirement is for personally known info. Avoiding the mention of a source and stating the data directly turns research into personally known or public information.

Home / Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing task 2] Building houses in existing cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas?