Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Building a large gym facility on the company's premises, or to pay employees to sign up elsewhere?


HanNguyen0510 18 / 40 17  
Sep 15, 2018   #1

Physical Activity Survey



Your company blames some work-related accidents on employee's low level of physical fitness. The Human Resources Department of your company is surveying your opinion on how to promote a healthier lifestyle amongst its employees. The major question is whether the company should build a large gym facility on the company's premises, or pay employees to sign up for physical activities whether they choose.

Option A: Company Gym: Large located in the company building. Employees will have 24-hour access to a large variety of fitness equipment and personal trainers

Option B: Neighborhood Gym or Activity: Monthly cash allowance for any physical activity of their choice.
What option that you prefer? Why do you prefer your choice? Explain the reasons for your choice. Write about 150-200 words.


I believe that doing exercise will enhance our physical and sanity health. However, building a large gymnasium in the company appears to be a non-profitable investment. Therefore, I think the recommendation of being a neighborhood with the fitness center is the better idea.

The advantage of a monthly cash allowance, first of all, encourages individuals who wish to go to the gym without making any payments. They could have thought to participate in some physical activities, but the fee could be one of the elements that they avoided facing with. Also, providing cash in advanced is a useful method to boost the desire for those who want to achieve a healthier lifestyle. They could try to rearrange between work and physical exercise to attempt good health. Regarding the reports documented by The Human Resources Department, there were several accidents associated with physical fitness, this solution in some way could reduce the situation mentioned.

To the contrary, building a large gymnasium require enormous expenses and does not guarantee that the entire employee will access the facilities. Therefore, option B contributes to the purpose of safety health and maintains the financial equilibrium.

Eventually, I strongly agree with the allowance plan due to its benefits and its outcome toward our employee well-being.
jeffreyj 3 / 5 1  
Sep 16, 2018   #2
Good question, both options have positive and negative side,

Option A, requires large initial investment and kinda take a bit freedom but when you look on business side, its good option bz u will get payback and the company will save money from going out and gym will build more connection btn employees.

Option B, Much freedom to employees but how you make sure employees will be committed and you spend money now you give them cash, are they going to spend buying burger or paying for a swim? ,I think you should focus on how you will ensure your employees are not going to waste that cash.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,529 3444  
Sep 16, 2018   #3
Han, there is a thoroughly confusing statement in your first paragraph. When you said; " I think the recommendation of being a neighborhood with the fitness center is the better idea.". A neighborhood with a fitness center? You are not talking about the place of residence of the employees, you are talking about their place of work. The proper term to use is "workplace with a fitness..." The workplace is where a person works while a neighborhood is where he lives.

Paragraph 2 should have been spilt into 2 paragraphs. The first paragraph will be all about the benefits of option B. The second paragraph should address a justification as how Option B will help to reduce the accidents in the workplace. That part of the essay is severely under explained.

Your concluding paragraph need not be a continued comparison of Option A and Option B. Rather, you should have simply indicated that due to the previous discussion paragraphs, you are strongly convinced that Option B is the best choice for the employees.
OP HanNguyen0510 18 / 40 17  
Sep 16, 2018   #4
Thanks Holt. I try to divide my opinion into 3 ideas: 2 advantages and 1 comparison with the option A but it is hard to explain details because I have only 200 words limited
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,529 3444  
Sep 17, 2018   #5
Han, this is still an opinion essay. That means you need to take only one stand and defend it. You don't need to make a comparison then explain your decision. The options are meant to help you make a decision based on the available information. So you should be discussing this from a singular point of view only. That way you won't find yourself running short on words based on the maximum word requirement. For example, I would have said:

My office tends to experience work related accidents which can be attributed to the lack of physical abilities of a person. The HR department believes that by promoting an interest in a healthy lifestyle, these accidents can be prevented. However, they are unsure as to whether to build a gym at the office or if the company should just pay for offsite gym memberships. I tend to support the latter choice.

By paying for an employees gym membership the company...

Finally, the company sponsored health club membership...


Focus on discussing what is important in the essay. That would be:
1. The topic
2. The reason
3. Your decision
4. Supporting statements for your decision

These can be represented in 4 paragraphs at the most using a 5 sentence format per paragraph. Don't confuse yourself by trying to discuss the 2 POV's. That is why you ran out of words to use.


Home / Writing Feedback / Building a large gym facility on the company's premises, or to pay employees to sign up elsewhere?