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Buildings and environment - The maps and changes in an American town between 1994 and 2010

Diahkn93 6 / 9  
Mar 27, 2017   #1

the 'new' town

The map describes of developments in an American town between 1994 and 2010. Many circumferences were changed affected by the town transformation in range of the time ranged in 62 years. Meanwhile the old buildings were replaced with a new building that is more useful.

There was a huge commutation in the number of the residential houses in 1948 rebuilt into commercial buildings beneath or western areas of airport. In the opposite way of patrol station there is park located in between factories and residential houses. Southeast area settled a church which is the only one building in that area. the local supermarket located n the southwest side of the park.

In 2010 the city was rebuilt, many new environments were made from the previous buildings. Church in the south area change into sport stadium and if you cross over the canal, local supermarket replaced with commercial building. When we moved to east side which separated by commercial industries the park has change into small supermarket in the west side and in the right side of it has become an airport.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,277 3982  
Mar 27, 2017   #2
Diah, good work on the analysis of the essay. You were able to accurately use the map and the provided compass in the development of your paragraphs. I applaud you for creating a fresh sounding and less mechanical presentation of the information you were provided. You clearly did more than just take note of the obvious information. You actually bothered to create intricate connections between the changes covering the period provided. A minor mistake in your grammar though, there is an "n" where you meant to say "in". I think that was a slip of the finger on the keyboard though. Be aware of what letters you are typing and make sure to proof read your work prior to submission. You don't want to lose points on a technicality. Additionally, you did not bother to properly conclude the essay with a concluding paragraph. It would have helped to increase your score if you had done a concluding analysis of the content. A summary of the presentation that noted the most significant changes in recap would have sufficed. Your score for this essay could come in at a 6 at the most.
Datnguyen 2 / 6 2  
Mar 27, 2017   #3
Hi Diah, In my opinion, I think your essay quite difficult to understand (caused by your interpretation).
You should logical approach, for instance you describe West going East or North going South,... It can help reader easy to track.

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