Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

The most Bulgarian aged 15-60 planned to stay in their country with no intentions of emigration


intana28 4 / 6  
Aug 13, 2016   #1
IELTS TASK 1; Emmigration intentions, Bulgarians aged 15-60, 2001 and 2006

The horizontal bar chart illustrates the percentage of five different plans of Bulgarian people age 15-60 concerning leaving their country in 2001 and 2006. The most striking feature is that most Bulgarian in age 15-60 planned to stay in their country in both years.

According to the graph, thr percentage of Bulgarian citizen who wanted to still leaving in their country decreased slightly from 73% in 2001 to 70% in 2006. Following that, there was a small fall in the figure of Bulgarian inhabitants who tought to travel abroad for a short time which was 9% in 2001 and 5% in 2006.

It is interestingly to note that the percentage of Bulgaria population who ived abroad permanently in 2001 and in 2006 was similar 8%). Meanwhile, the figure of Bulgarian people who wanted to visit to another country and the figure of Bulgarians who designed to work abroad then return in 2006 was greater than in 2001.

All in all, the graph suggests that in general, the percentage of Bulgarian people who had no intention to travel abroad accounted for just over seven times of the figure of other intentions of Bulgarian emigrant.




ramzi06 9 / 17 4  
Aug 13, 2016   #2
Greetings Mrs Intan Pandora.
In my opinion, your writing looks academic at all, however it still need few adjustments in order to be powerful.

... Bulgarian people age 15-60 concerning (need preposition) ON leaving their country in 2001 and 2006. The most striking feature is that most Bulgarian in age 15-60 planned ...

Please avoid to use double superlative.. better for you to state "Generally speaking" instead of "the striking feature".
take for example : generally speaking, most Bulgarian in age 15-60 planned to settle in the same period.

According to the graph, thrThe percentage of Bulgarian citizen who wanted to still leavingleave in their country decreased ...
Following that, there was a smallslight fall in the figure (...) time which was at 9% in 2001 and at 5% in 2006.

Note :
"Small" is not appropriate to figure trend movement. you may use "minor" or "slight"

That's all
CMIIW
OP intana28 4 / 6  
Aug 14, 2016   #3
Hello ramzi, thank you for your comment.

The horizontal bar chart illustrates the percentage of Bulgarian people aged 15-60 who will leave their country based on five different reasons between 2001 and 2006. Generally speaking, most Bulgarian in age 15-60 planned to settle in the same period.

According to the graph, the percentage of Bulgarian citizen who wanted to still leaving in their country decreased slightly from 73% in 2001 to 70% in 2006. Following that, there was a slight fall in the figure of Bulgarian who tought to travel abroad temporary which was 9% in 2001 and 5% in 2006.

It is interesting to note that the percentage of Bulgarian who lived abroad permanently in 2001 and in 2006 was similar which was 8%. Meanwhile, the figure of Bulgarian people who wanted to visit to another country and the figure of Bulgarians who designed to work abroad then return in 2006 was greater than in 2001.

All in all,the percentage of Bulgarian who had no intention to travel abroad accounted for just over sevenfold from the oether plans.


Home / Writing Feedback / The most Bulgarian aged 15-60 planned to stay in their country with no intentions of emigration