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Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? Any solutions?


Minh Hang Le 1 / -  
Jun 13, 2021   #1
Topic:

Bullying is a big problem in many schools.


What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

There has been a debate about the progress of bullying in school as a serious and worrying problem. From my perspective, several problems have resulted from this tendency and they should be tackled by a number of effective solutions.

To begin with, there are some reasons why students tend to use violence to cope up with their problems instead of negotiating and persuading. First of all, with the aim of entertainment and attracting audiences, many websites are willing to produce violent and not age-appropriate programs. Hence, students frequently watch these programs on television and social media which drives them to become hot-tempered and unconscious when dealing with their issues in reality. Furthermore, along with fast-paced, while children are busy from school time to outdoor activities, parents spend their whole time with their careers. The gap between parents and offspring is wider and lacks mutual understanding. In case, when youngsters face any troubles, they find it hard to share or find support from their own family members. As a result, they would be anxious or even depressive, therefore they are able to use violence to release their negative emotion inside.

On the other hand, there would be two ways to deal with the problem. Firstly, by allocating proper time to the students, parents can have a chance to timely support their children and give guidance immediately from the bad habits such as wasting student's time on playing games and neglecting their school tasks. Secondly, to solve this problem, the principal should enact stringent regulations and punishments for bad and violent behaviors, especially it is strictly forbidden for students to take videos containing fighting content and distribute them on social networks. Finally, the Ministry of Education is able to accomplish curriculum and books that involve meaningful lessons and enhance student's awareness in respecting their own body and the other's one.

In conclusion, only by addressing the concerns of parents, school, and the Ministry of Education will negative attitudes and violent behaviors of youngsters be changed.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,594 3760  
Jun 14, 2021   #2
There has been a debate

This is not a debated topic. it is referred to as a factual topic in the prompt. Address it as such in the restatement without an attestation. Something along the lines of:

Student harrasment is now considered a collosal issue in academic institutions.
This is a clear restatement of the topic that uses O keywords from the original. such a sentence increases the L.R.score.

several problems have resulted from this tendency ...effective solutions.

Where there are direct questions, direct responses must be provided to create a proper and clear thesis outline for your reasoning paragraphs. Indicate the discussion topics in relation to the 2 questions. repeating the questions without clear responses does not meet TA scoring requirements in relation to discussion clarity.

To begin with... of negotiating and persuading

There is no sense in using a long-winded opening sentence when your score is better increased by using a topic sentence instead. Your actual response does not stout till the second sentence, which is the C + C scoring consideration sentence.

-tempered and unconscious when dealing with their issues in reality. Furthermore, along with fast-paced, while activitie...

Fast paced what? This is incomplete and lacks understandability in reference to the parents activities.

On the other hand, there would be two ways to deal with the problem

There is no other hand because this is not a causes paragraphs but a solutions paragraph. These are now 2 seperate discussion ideas that cannot use a comparison transition reference phrase.
Paul16 5 / 8  
Jun 14, 2021   #3
Your two body paragraphs opening sentences have some errors.
The first body should include a direct topic sentence in which you point out the reasons.
The second one must point out the solutions, so you cannot use the phrase "on the other hand"
Harinn 2 / 5  
Jun 14, 2021   #4
You should not use many compound sentences which are too long, that will make your essay confused.

The second body paragraph can be started with " besides" or "under those circumstances" instead of " on the other hand".
niesaysi 16 / 290 85  
Jun 14, 2021   #5
There has been a debate about the progress of ...

In this sentence, you have incorrectly restated the idea from the topic (Bullying is a big problem in many schools.). You should have not used these content words - "debate" and "progress" - as these have changed the idea in the given topic.


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