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'a bunch of people who felt danger' - The Percentage of Crime in 2009 to 2011


fariz10 13 / 18 2  
Feb 8, 2016   #1
The bar chart shows the percentages of people who fell danger and also actual victim of crime. There are several categories of crime being measures; burglary, car crime, and violent crime. Overall, it can be seen the people who perceived danger was the highest percentage in all categories of crime compared with the direct victim of crime.

To begin, a bunch of people who felt danger because of criminal crime had various percentages. For instance, the perceived burglary in 2009 to 2010 was peaked 16%. It was smaller rate than car crime with 21% of people. Moreover, violence crime cases also smaller than car crime with approximately 15% of people. In addition, the scared of criminal between 2010 and 2011 was had same pattern with the previous period but, it was smaller than the previous one.

On the other hand, the direct victim of crime in violence crime and burglary were same with approximately 2-3% between 2009 and 2011. However, actual car mischief in 2009 to 2011 reached at 4% higher than the others type of criminal activities.




vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 8, 2016   #2
Fariz, most of the essay formatting is correct and acceptable. However, you failed to follow the correct essay format for your conclusion in this essay. I am sure you are familiar with the requirements of the conclusion and I do not have to repeat it. Kindly make sure that the same mistake does not happen with your succeeding essay practice tests. Thanks.

... the percentages of people who fell danger and also actual victim of crime FELL VICTIM TO A CRIME. ... categories of crime being measures MEASURED ; burglary, car crime, and violent crime. ... seen THAT the people who perceived danger was the highest percentage in all categories of crime WHEN compared with the direct victimS of A SPECIFIC crime.

... , the perceived burglary RATE in 2009 to 2010 was peaked AT 16%. It was A smaller rate than THE car crime RATE with 21% of people VICTIMIZED . Moreover, violence VIOLENT crime cases also HAD A smaller RATE than car crime with ... In addition, the scared of NUMBER OF criminalS between 2010 and 2011 was had THE same pattern with AS the previous period but, it was smaller...

... However, actual car mischief in 2009 to 2011 reached at 4% higher than the others type of criminal activities.
- You definitely need to lengthen this paragraph for the aforementioned reasons.


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