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'Burning Up' - Satirycal Essay on Marijuana

roodag 1 / -  
Sep 15, 2011   #1
Burning Up

Every year, thousands of pot-smoking Americans get locked up for the use, possession, or sale of the unlawful substance that has the country in the middle of a drug war: marijuana. The green herb has sparked many debates around the globe because it has caused harm to too many people and it seems like we cannot seem to get rid of it.

Eighty-eight percent of the criminals in jail are in there for only the possession of marijuana, and in total ends up costing American tax payers about $10 billion each year. The jail cells are practically stuffed with smokers who got caught up with the law and a joint wouldn't be able to save them from incarceration. Lawmakers have refused to legalize the substance for many, many, years, as it has no proof of medical benefit and has nothing but negative effects on the body and the brain.

The use of the substance hasn't been researched nearly as much as it should, but in one study they were able to conduct, there wasn't much found in the subjects experimented with. The people just sat there for hours, without even moving a muscle. This shows how the use can promote laziness and encourage slacking off in school and/or work. We're better off getting rid of the substance altogether, because we don't need any more sluggish people roaming around the place.

Another reason why marijuana needs to be banished is that it is the main cause of obesity in our country. The drug has been used by more than 100 million Americans, and as we all know, the country has a rising epidemic of obesity, with children's weight increasing every day. Marijuana has known to have the side effects of extreme hunger, or very large appetite for no apparent reason. This adds to the reason why people are overweight; they stuff their faces after smoking a bowl even if they're not physically hungry. It is obvious why cannabis has increased the numbers of overweight Americans since they have started using it.

It has been proven that every puff from that weed filled cigar wrap kills millions of brain cells. They tested on monkeys back in 1974, where monkeys were given a dose equivalent to about 63 joints in about five minutes every single day for a period of three months. Needless to say, the monkeys died after the 90 days, and in the autopsy, you could see the shocking results. The monkeys who had been exposed to the marijuana smoke had millions more dead brain cells than the monkeys who weren't exposed. This shows that if Americans keep using this drug, we will all end up brain dead from killing all our brain cells. Marijuana has also been known to mess up the brain's memory center, and that's why people who smoke it are always so forgetful.

This gateway drug surely makes smokers think that if this drug isn't 'so bad', then others probably aren't either! So they end up addicts of stronger, more intense drugs homeless on the streets. What parent would want that for their child? We can't let them believe that there is nothing wrong with this drug because there is. They are exposed to criminal activity every time they need to buy it, because they need to go to an illegal dealer, and are forced to be around other illegal activities just to get the fix they are desperate for. Not to mention the yellow teeth, stinky hair, B.O., and the strong addiction, which is hard to overcome. Over 60% of regular marijuana smokers have dealt with some kind of neck, mouth, brain, and nail cancer, depending on the method they choose to use.

This is a serious issue for the country, because the chaos that this drug has started needs to be stopped as soon as possible. People going crazy on the streets looking for some need the help in order to recover from their condition. My solution will rid us of any problems cannabis-related forever.

Some may think it's a little out of line, but the only way to get rid of all the marijuana is by setting fire to any herb that inhibits the entire nation. It's our job to find it, and destroy every last bit of it. We can't stop for breaks; we need to keep looking for the stinky herb that has the country in a crisis. If a house or factory looks like it contains that 'magical herb': burn it down. Burn down any kind of suspicious place that looks like it contains the horrible substance. We need an army for this, for which we will supply gas masks for. We want to be safe during this procedure of destruction. It's the most heroic act anyone can do to help their country, and we all need to contribute, as loyal; citizens.

So our attack against the cannabis starts now. We cannot stop until we are sure that there is any left, not one little bit of it. Then people can't get it, they can't use it, they can't become addicted to it, so it can't ruin any more people's lives. This act is truly going to better mankind as a whole, and it is our duty to carry out what needs to be done.

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