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(IELTS) Will business and cultural contact cause countires lose identities?


ekekek 25 / 51  
Jul 6, 2011   #1
I am afraid the structure and argument...Could you make some comments related to this? Thanks a lot.

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Some people believe that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries has positive effects while others think it will cause countries to lose their identities. Do you agree or disagree?

Globalization promotes the interaction between countries in terms of business and culture. This raises questions about whether intensive contact is a blessing or a curse. From my perspective, the advantages of increased cooperation and communication outweigh the disadvantages.

The trades between counties, undoubtedly, accelerate the GDP growth no matter in import-oriented countries or export-oriented counties. Take China for example, the more products export, the more profits China gets. Once the commerce decease slightly, hundreds of thousands of Chinese would lose their job. Worse still, the stability of a country could not be guaranteed. In addition, for the imported countries, consumers can enjoy the benefits brings from the imported food as more alternative choices have been given. On the other hand, countries' communication in culture could reduce the misunderstandings to some extent. People could easily learn other countries' customs and languages, which greatly expends native citizens' cultural outlook without going abroad.

However, excessive business and cultural contact may contribute to vicious competition and identity loss. As we all know, business owners aim profit in priority, which leads them lower the price again and again to sell the products. But if the vicious competitions continue, the industries in the imported countries will be pushed to the brink of survival. The "green trade barrier" is good example. American government adopts this measure to protect its own business. What's more, with the invasion of foreign culture, most youngsters in China, for example, tend to celebrate western festivals, such as Christmas Day and Valentine's Day, and watch Hollywood movies.

To conclude, the interaction in business and culture is beneficial to economic growth, employment and consumers' options as a whole. As t o the negative side, I believe, it would not be a problem if the government regulates the competition among business field and advocates the native culture frequently.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 8, 2011   #2
Some people believe that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries has positive effects while others think it will cause countries to lose their identities. Do you agree or disagree?

This is a bad question. It makes no sense. It should not say DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE? It should say, WHICH ARGUMENT SEEMS CORRECT TO YOU?

Here is my most important advice for you: Add a REASON to your first paragraph:
From my perspective, the advantages of increased cooperation and communication outweigh the disadvantages, because ___________________________________(sum up the reason.)

Then, use the rest of the essay to explain your reason in detail and give examples.

Your writing style is very sophisticated! I think the ietls is the least of your worries. :-)
the leaf ninja 9 / 28  
Jul 9, 2011   #3
Hi there,

i think if you want to use a term/theory as an example in IELTS writing you need to provide short description of what it is. Like, when you say "green trade barrier" you need to explain for the examiner what it means.

"What's more", i think you may need to not use this, why not a simpler like "also" or " in addition to this".

Overall, your essay is great! with this essay it seems to me you can achieve a very high mark for the IELTS writing.

Keep on the good work.
OP ekekek 25 / 51  
Jul 20, 2011   #4
Kevin~~ quite appreciate your help~~ I completely agree with your suggestion. Thanks a lot~~

Naruto~~ your suggestions are precious as well~~ defination is a good way, thank you for reminding me~~

2 month ago, I took the IELTS, but failed in writing~ I am so afraid to digress from the main subject again~~ your encouragement is an essential driving force for me~~ THX~


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