... many companies prioritizing
to yield profits and stick with it in
order to have much incomes [
you may state that the do that in order to keep success in market since ''to have much income'' is sharing the same sense with to gain profit].
They only think about the way [...]your introduction has shown a quite well structured introductory paragraph. good jobFirst and foremost, when a company start up their business, they must ...
despite of your nice introduction, i find that your body essay is less correlated with the prompt. you need to counter first why company should not only focus on earn money or give illustration of this situation while deliver its drawback. you may need to concern on this if you want to make this essay powerfulMoreover, organisations have to treat ...
on this paragraph, you need to emphasize what the reason why company should treat their work forces well and giving strong explanation about the disadvantages that companies need to face if ignore it.here are some suggestions in your third paragraph:... used when the employees sick,for each
worker. Company also can give money to
employeethose who
do overtime work.work overtime .
... their workers to work over
the time
but they do not givewithout giving extra
money.salary. This condition can make them
easy to get sick vulnerable to illness and
finally theypossibly resign then from the organisation.
To conclude, I think that a company have to prioritize their employees ...
after composing introduction and body paragraphs, you only need to concern on making a firm and convincing conclusion. you may do this by restating the topic and your main ideas than giving suggestions if you want despite than only write a sentence. be careful to not delivering new ideas that never state before in essay to your conclusion