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Business have to prioritize their employees rather than their financial objectives


Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Sep 4, 2016   #1
Question : the purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

The competition in economic fields makes many companies prioritizing profits and stick with it in order to have much incomes. They only think about the way to make their organisations bigger. Others think that the aim of business should about the way to make the employee has a good quality of life. I believe that company should think about their workers rather than the profit which they make.

First and foremost, when a company start up their business, they must have an aim like opening job vacancy to other people. By opening work field will help citizens who do not have any job to have a chance to make incomes. If they have a job, they will get more income so that it also will help their family to have a better life. It also help the neighborhood to get more money, people can sell foods near the work place.

Moreover, organisations have to treat their employees well and not exploiting them. They can give an insurance,which can be used when the employees sick,for each worker. Company also can give money to employee who do overtime work. Right now, many companies which exploit their workers to work over the time but they do not give extra money.This condition can make them easy to get sick and finally they resign from the organisation. This way will give disadvantage to company because it means they have to find another person to that position and to recruit new one will need much money .

To conclude, I think that a company have to prioritize their employees rather than their financial objectives.

RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Sep 4, 2016   #2
... many companies prioritizing to yield profits and stick with it in order to have much incomes [you may state that the do that in order to keep success in market since ''to have much income'' is sharing the same sense with to gain profit]. They only think about the way [...]

your introduction has shown a quite well structured introductory paragraph. good job

First and foremost, when a company start up their business, they must ...

despite of your nice introduction, i find that your body essay is less correlated with the prompt. you need to counter first why company should not only focus on earn money or give illustration of this situation while deliver its drawback. you may need to concern on this if you want to make this essay powerful

Moreover, organisations have to treat ...

on this paragraph, you need to emphasize what the reason why company should treat their work forces well and giving strong explanation about the disadvantages that companies need to face if ignore it.

here are some suggestions in your third paragraph:
... used when the employees sick,for each worker. Company also can give money to employeethose who do overtime work.work overtime .
... their workers to work over the time but they do not givewithout giving extra money.salary. This condition can make them easy to get sick vulnerable to illness and finally theypossibly resign then from the organisation.

To conclude, I think that a company have to prioritize their employees ...

after composing introduction and body paragraphs, you only need to concern on making a firm and convincing conclusion. you may do this by restating the topic and your main ideas than giving suggestions if you want despite than only write a sentence. be careful to not delivering new ideas that never state before in essay to your conclusion


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