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TOEFL ; Businesses should only concentrate on profit making!


aria8111 3 / 4 2  
Apr 9, 2013   #1
. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

No one can ever deny that a lot of businesses are doing anything for making a profit. Any person do anything which can make a buck in his life. I do not agree to do any thing to thrive in our businesses. We can bother, make a problem for others and this is not good.

First and most important, making advantages for our business would has pros point if we do not bother someone. The president of a company would love to have flourish in his business. However, he should not make any problem for employees. If income of the company going to being better, he must pay higher salary or award to those who works better. The company must be like a family. In family we help to each other to make a better life. In result, all of us take advantages for it in family.

Another reason wich renders my vantage point for do not doing anything for making a profit is overall reason. I mean, we should not do something which only our goal be making disadvantages for another companies. We must take part in a healthy competition. Some people thinks that competition meaning is disrupting the other side. For illustrate my point, think about a company who make a kind of ingredient for food. The healthy competition would not be something that makes a problem for other company. Maybe another ingredients additional to ours can make a better and delicious food. So our profits must not make any problem for another person or business.

In light of the foregoing, I hold the view that business must make profits only in a way which do not make any problem to another one.

abhigeorge 6 / 20 2  
Apr 9, 2013   #2
hi aria, corrections from my side. I am providing a line by line correction so that the grammatical errors will be clear to you. However the content flow is not at all clear in this essay. You need to organize your writing better.

No one can ever deny that a lot of businesses are doing anything for making a profit-------> It is a known fact that a lot of Businesses would do anything to make profit.

Any person do anything which can make a buck in his life.-----> A person will do anything to make some money ( not sure how this sentence is relevant here)

I do not agree to do any thing to thrive in our businesses. ----> I do not agree to this.

We can bother, make a problem for others and this is not good.--------> It would put others in trouble.

First and most important, making advantages for our business would has pros point if we do not bother someone. -----> ( I did not understand this) Running a business without harming someone would have its own advantages.

The president of a company would love to have flourish in his business. -------> The president of the company would love his business to flourish.

However, he should not make any problem for employees.------> However he should not create problems for his employees.

If income of the company going to being better, he must pay higher salary or award to those who works better --------> If the company is earning good profit it should pay its employees better.

The company must be like a family. ---------> (no changes from my side)

In family we help to each other to make a better life. In result, all of us take advantages for it in family.------->In a family we help each other.

Another reason wich which renders my vantage point for do not doing anything for making a profit is overall reason.-------> ( I do not understand this sentence) Another important reason for not using unfair means for profit is...

I mean, we should not do something which only our goal be making disadvantages for another companies. -----> We should not do something only with the aim of damaging other companies. ( Sentence does not fit here)

We must take part in a healthy competition.-----> (no inputs here, sentence seems okay)

Some people thinks that competition meaning is disrupting the other side.------> Some people think that competition only means disrupting competitor's business.

For illustrate my point, think about a company who make a kind of ingredient for food. ----------> For example consider a company which produces some kind of food ingredient.

The healthy competition would not be something that makes a problem for other company. -------> Healthy competition does not create an issue for anybody.

Maybe another ingredients additional to ours can make a better and delicious food.------->Maybe adding another ingredient would make the food taste better.

So our profits must not make any problem for another person or business.-------> So our business does not inhibit another business.

In light of the foregoing, I hold the view that business must make profits only in a way which do not make any problem to another one.---------->As a conclusion I would like to reiterate that businesses should follow just means of profit making and not harm others.


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