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aprilia27 1 / 1  
Aug 7, 2022   #1
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or
events that have had a significant influence on you
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
- If applicable, describe awards you have received, publications you have made, or skills you have acquired,


"The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge." Like me, who was motivated by my father's love and genuine concern for my schooling. I am an ambitious woman from a rural who is determined to disprove the widespread belief that women do not require education. This view results from the fact that there is still a severe lack of public awareness regarding education, some parents take their kids to school merely as a formality, and the majority only complete high school. They believe that education is a waste of money and pointless. Therefore, I have to show that being a woman from a rural area does not prevent me from pursuing higher education.

One moment in my life motivates me to get this scholarship when my father said that he had a dream of owning his own business and opening up job opportunities for the surrounding community. Business is not an easy thing, Because I need knowledge related to these fields and work practices so that we have experience. If my father does not rely on me, who will make his dreams come true? Finally, I decided to go to school by taking the Business Management Expertise program.

During school, I learned about Automation and Office Governance and practical implementation, such as Automation and Personnel Governance, Financial Automation and Governance, and General Administration. I carried out internship tests in two different branches, namely PT. Gapura Angkasa and PT. Prathita Titanusantara. I was in charge of servicing ticket check-in, baggage inspection, baggage labeling, and supervising until the baggage got into the plane. During this internship, I improved my communication skills and the ability to work with many people.

I also had several activities in non-academic, such as Student Council, Traditional Dance, and Flag Raising Troops. In my second year, I became The Head of the Student Council. During my tenure, I was active in various activities, for instance, extracurricular exhibition events to attract new students. The most challenging thing for me in handling this event was when I had to lead discussions with various extracurricular groups. However, despite all the difficulties, I could improve my adaptability, conflict management, and problem-solving for will be very useful when I study in South Korea later.

I believe that the Bachelor of Business Administration in South Korea fits my interests and goals in the future. One of the courses that make me interested is in Marketing. I hope that by studying this course, I will be able to master the basic concepts of marketing products and services, learn to design products and services, as well as production planning and control. After studying in South Korea, I want to apply my knowledge to realize my goals and contribute to Bilateral Relations between Indonesia and South Korea, especially in the economic field. I believe my company in the future can work together to expand investment relations and international trade.

I hope my company's future contributions to Indonesia and South Korea can inspire others to make small changes in their lives. Because life is not about finding yourself, life is creating yourself.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,209 4317  
Aug 8, 2022   #2
Is the citation based on the father's words? if so. then it should be identified as such since all quotes need to be given a source. It will help to add to the opening sentiment of the writer as well. However, the slant of the introduction should not only be about how the applicant wants to achieve an important tertiary education overseas, it must also integrate the motivation for the choice of BA as a course. The educational consideration should only play a secondary role in the motivation.

The writer has taken applicable secondary education courses in relation to the undergraduate course decision. However, the extra curricular activities do not show any reasons why the student will be successful in this field. It would help if the applicant can relate extra curricular activities in relation to BA such as starting his own business, having a part time job, or any exposure that will prove he used his secondary education to pursue his BA interests. These will help create the proper foundation for his basic training and skills development which in turn, will help give credence to his application.

Interest in the way Koreans do business should be a highlight of the motivating factors presented. The writer does not refer to a relevant interest in Korea in the essay and yet hopes to be awarded a scholarship to study in the country. It does not work that way. The reasons that you are impressed by the Korean BA model should be the strongest motivating factor for the decision to apply for this scholarship.
OP aprilia27 1 / 1  
Aug 14, 2022   #3
Thank you for your answer

Since junior high school, I have been interested in business. At that time, my father drove me to the shrimp farms in Dipasena, Tulang Bawang. I observed several shrimp farming activities starting from cleaning the shrimp farming area, spreading the fry, packing the shrimp, to sorting the shrimp. My initial plan was just for enjoyment, but who would have guessed it would have attracted my interest in the business world and motivated me to pursue the creation of my own company? Finally, I decided to go to school by taking the Business Management Expertise program.

I corrected paragraph 2 like this to show interest in business,