Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more popular


Gia_geeya 1 / 1  
Feb 25, 2021   #1
Hello, I am new here.
I would like to ask for help to check and give back to my writing.
How can I improve my writings? because my goal is to score 7.5 in this section.
Thank you in advance.

Write about the following topic.

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.

Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?


Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should write at least 250 words.

Just a few clicks on your laptop, then your purchase has been made. Now you only need to wait patiently for the goods to come. The digital era made our lifestyles easier, and the majority of society already used this to buy goods from books, air tickets, and groceries. However, is this online shopping culture bring more advantages than disadvantages? In my personal experience, yes it is in terms of cost and time efficiency.

One of the reasons is the ease to compare prices. I always purchase air or train tickets using online platforms to go back to my home city. Through online websites, I could detect the best value by comparing the schedules, services, thus the availabilities. Not only to buy transportation tickets, but I also use this method to buy the best value books, clothes, and make-up. Some people argue this abundant information creates more decision times. However, in my personal opinion, the effort to check and compare is worth the value, moreover it assuring me to get the best travel experience.

Thus, online purchases saving more time and efficiency. I was having a sudden asthma attack at midnight and I was alone at that time. Unfortunately, my medicine already expired, therefore I used an online application with 247 operational hours to buy it. They delivered my medicine within an hour. I saved my time to commute from home-pharmacy-home and I can rest until the medicine came.

To sum up, I totally agree that the benefit of online shopping outweighs the problems. Because it is not only efficient to make decisions monetarily but also time-wise.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,845 4177  
Feb 25, 2021   #2
You used the correct approach in presenting the opinion from a single point of view that supports your personal opinion. However, the presentation falls a little short, in my opinion, when it comes to the actual discussion question which indicates a comparative discussion format based on your personal opinion. The strength of the discussion of the advantage/disadvantage essay lies in how well you can dispel the advantage notion, creating a believable disadvantage discussion on your part or, a disadvantage discussion that you can disprove to be an actual advantage, based on your experiences and knowledge.

In the presentations, you show the advantages, which are readily known to people. However, you failed to present reasons why people might perceive these to be disadvantages. So first, explain why people mistakenly see the use of online shopping as a disadvantage, then explain why you think otherwise. For the medicines, explain the belief regarding medicine authenticity when ordered personally from a drugstore, then indicate why that misconception is incorrect by using your personal experience as the convincing factor.

You have shown that you have the potential to score more than just a 7.5 in the test. You just have to be keep practicing to get better at it. By the way, you should not be writing the word as "247" but rather "24/7" to indicate 24 hours a day / 7 days a week. That is a minimal LR error that you can correct in the future. Please make sure to familiarize yourself with such terms so that you can use these in a more appropriate format in your coming practice essays.
OP Gia_geeya 1 / 1  
Feb 25, 2021   #3
@Holt thank you very much for your detailed and comprehensive feedback! You showed a really interesting point of view, thank you so much.


Home / Writing Feedback / Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more popular