Hi Miss Pramudia.
I am gonna give you a few suggestions to improve your writing.A breakdown of figure for daily viewing Chanel (unit in million viewers per day) one news ...
Where is your main verb?. Be careful of sentence fragments.
A BREAKDOWN OF FIGURES REPRESENTING THE NUMBER OF VIEWERS WATCHING NEWS ON CHANNEL ONE BASED ON 4 DIFFERENT TIMES A DAY DURING A YEAR IS REVEALED IN THE LINE GRAPHOverall, it can be seen that the number of viewer ...
Avoid hackneyed sentence because it will seem as meaningless sentences.
This is my offering overview as the alternative.
OVERALL, IT CAN OBVIOUSLY SEEN THAT CHANNEL ONE HAD DIVIDED NEWS PROGRAMS INTO THREE TIMES PER DAY, BUT THE TELEVISION CHANNEL HAD HAD A POLICY TO ADD BROADCASTING THE NEWS AT 11 PM SINCE 1ST MAY. MOREOVER, THE VIEWERS HAD TENDED TO WATCH NEWS AT 6 PM.
6 pm is the most favourite time(You should give detailed information about its number) to watch news in January while THE number of people (...) are
3(Avoid multi-interpretation so that you are supposed to write its quantity clearly).... 6 pm fall at about 4
million viewers , but it still became ...
In May, the number of people (...) illustrate the close number while 1 pm show the lowest viewers.(Please, rewrite this because readers difficult to get the point)Meanwhile, in August both of
viewers in 6 pm and 9.30 pm decrease(Where are the detailed informations?. This is the body paragraph so that you should show the deatiled data) while the number of ...
Please, review my notes.
Keep Writing
GOOD LUCK