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IELTS task 1: Callum University graduates - numbers of male students


andial 21 / 48 3  
Apr 15, 2014   #1
Foolks, Kindly need your comment to improve my writing,

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The given line graph shows a breakdown of the number of men pupil graduated from faculty of science, Callum University over a 6-year period from 1995 to 2011.

Overall, it is quite interesting that the change number of male graduates experienced twice both increasing and decreasing.

According to the information provided, after plateau at 4000 in 1995, the number of male students pursuing a degree in the field of science rose slightly to just under 5000 in the next 2 years. This trend then conversely changed toward dip to a little above of its previous position in the beginning in 1999.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that this change trend continued in the period between 1999 and 2005 and reaching the peak at approximately 7500 at the end of this particular period. This was followed by a period during which numbers dropped considerably and then remained stable at 6000 until 2011.





SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Apr 15, 2014   #2
Heloow friend

This trend then conversely changed toward dip to a little above of its previous position in the beginning in 1999.

...as a beginner reader for me this is quite confusing.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that this change trend continued in the period between 1999 and 2005 and reaching the peak at approximately 7500 at the end of this particular period.

... I am afraid that the tense is inconsistent. Overall, I like the way you explain your idea cheers :D
OP andial 21 / 48 3  
Apr 15, 2014   #3
andial:
A more detailed look at the graph reveals that this change trend continued in the period between 1999 and 2005 and reaching the peak at approximately 7500 at the end of this particular period... I am afraid that the tense is inconsistent. Overall, I like the way you explain your idea cheers :D

Helooooooooo friend..

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that this change trend continued in the period between 1999 and 2005 and reaching the peak at approximately 7500 at the end of this particular period

Well, let me give you my personal point of view regarding this matter,

reveals here must be simple present knowing that we talk about report. it is in the same case, when we begin the intro .... the chart provides (simple present)

However, when we report the data taken in the past, we have to use simple past.

(CMIW.. correct me If am wrong)
Misnariah Idrus 19 / 35 4  
Apr 15, 2014   #4
after plateau at 4000

"after" should be followed by verb ing or verb 3

men pupil graduated from

According to Cambridge dictionary, pupil is person, especially a child at school, who is being taught. So, I think you should find out another more appropriate word.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that this change trend continued in the period between 1999 and 2005 and reaching the peak at approximately 7500 at the end of this particular period.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that this change trend continued in the period between 1999 and 2005 and reaching the peak at approximately 7500 at the end of this particular period.

I think those red letters are verb, then you should use the main form of "reaching"
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Apr 15, 2014   #5
The given line graph shows a breakdown o f the number of men pupilmales graduated from the faculty of science of Callum University over aduring the six6- year period from 1995 to 2011.

Overall, it is quite interesting that the change number of male graduates experienced twice both increasing and decreasing.

This is a very very confusing overview. You fail to convey any clear idea or trend to the reader by this sentence. Also, you need to adopt a more formal tone since this is about report writing. So avoid phrases like "it is interesting " etc.
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Apr 16, 2014   #6
it is in the same case, when we begin the intro

(CMIW.. correct me If am wrong)

... LOL...

I am also confusing about this. As far as my understanding. When the graph shows past data,we can use simple "present" only in the overview. Then, when we go through details (I means body), we have to report factually, using past, as the objective of data shows past.

(CMIW also...) hihihihihi...
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 17, 2014   #7
Your overview should present the main trend or trends to the reader very briefly without any details. The details should be followed in next body paras. So, let's try to do an overview for this essay. What are the main trends here?

1. The number of graduates have increased over the period.
2. The numbers have stabilized by the end of the period
Let's do the overview;
Overall, the number of male graduates who pursued science degrees at Callum University had increased over the period. These numbers had begun to stabilize from 2005.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,197 460  
May 9, 2014   #8
Single graphs
Introduction: Here you should state what the graph shows
short body paragraph: state the most important piece of information here (summary/overview)
main body paragraphs: Here you need to make comparisons and state the important features of the graphs (usually 2 paragraphs)


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