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IELTS task 2 CAM 14 about bad situation - try to make it better, or leave it how it is


mitchpham458 1 / 1  
May 7, 2020   #1

Improving hardships or just accepting situation?



Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Nowadays, inadequate employment and lacking of money are now considered two factors that influence mostly in individual well-being. As a result, people choose two different ways to react those circumstances, while numerous people think that acceptance those situations is the appropriate choice, others believe regulation is the perfect answer to the math.

On the one hand, no doubt that undergoing difficulties is not unpleasant for everyone and that might be lead to enhancing the circumstances. Firstly, the process of upgrading complex problems which may influence our self-learning. In others word, improving issues in employment will boost self-learning and similarly, promotions will raise and higher salary is the upshot. Secondly, attempt to stand right at the beginning sometimes doesn't rely on people because of their burdens are hang above their heads. Due to the fact that they need money to fulfill their bills, they are going to be diligent worker for the rest of their lives whether they do not seek opportunities to accommodate the conditions.

On the other hand, there is another way to tackle troubles in awful cases, which is acceptance. Initially, whether you are well-able in life or not, there are always some incidents that you could not have sufficient capability to undertaking. Life is full of plentiful surprises, somewhat they are inevitable and unchangeable, thus, nothing is considered the best as opposed to smiling and patience till those adversities walk through. For instance, in some field alike accountant, becoming wealthy might be hopeless apart from obtaining lobby.

In conclusion, I totally agree with the latter notion while accepting the former could right in some extent. Improving hardships may be far better, nevertheless, considering to calm and undertake the best in another realms could be extremely brilliant in some circumstances.

292 words.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4773  
May 7, 2020   #2
The overall discussion format is incorrect. The requirement for the discussion, based on the reasoning paragraph requirement is:

- Accept the bad situation ( give reasons why the public believes this. Use second or third person pronouns)
- Do not accept the situation and try to improve it (public opinion again, second or third person pronoun)
- Personal opinion (would you accept or change the situation? Why? Defend with examples and supporting explanation)

Your public points of view do not acknowledge that you are presenting public points of view. Hence, it comes across more as personal opinion reflections rather than an explanation of public opinions. Use the group pronouns to correct that error.

The response expected from you is a personal opinion justification. Instead, you offered an agreement with one of the two paragraphs, without properly developing your explanation as a stand alone paragraph. You turned your personal opinion into the concluding paragraph. Your TA score will meet with deductions because of the lack of proper reverse paraphrase presentation in that section. The essay will also be lacking a conclusion, which will result in point deductions being applied as well.

Your final paragraph does not meet the discussion requirements as presented in the original prompt. These errors in presentation need to be fixed if you want to get a better score in this essay presentation. The rule of thumb is : Dual point of view discussions have 5 paragraphs. Never forget the personal opinion presentation.
OP mitchpham458 1 / 1  
May 7, 2020   #3
Thank you so much @Holt
I'll take your advice and improve my essay later.


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