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IELTS-CAM4-TRAVEL TO AND FROM THE UK AND MOST POPULAR COUNTRIES FOR UK RESIDENTS


Traveler 6 / 14 2  
Oct 5, 2013   #1
The charts below give information about travel to and from the UK, and about the most popular countries for UK residents to visit. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

This is my answer

The line graph illustrates how many people travelled to and from the UK over a period of 20 years. The bar chart provides information about the most visited countries by UK residents in 1999.

It is noticeable that between 1979 and 1999 visits to and from the UK both increased, but the latter rose the most. Additionally, European countries such as France and Spain were among the most preferred by UK citizens.

In 1979, around 13 million UK tourists travelled abroad, while 10 million overseas residents visited the UK. Over the next 20 years, the number of people travelling to and from the UK rose. However, while the former reached approximately 25 million in 1999, the latter experienced a twofold increase, reaching around 50 million in the same year.

Looking at the bar chart, France and Spain were visited by 11 million and 9 million British people respectively. On the other hand, Greece and Turkey were the least popular countries, with only 3 million and 2 million UK visitors respectively. The figure for the USA was slightly higher, at around 3.5 million.

I have a couple of questions:
1 - In this phrase: "visits to and from the UK both increased, but the latter rose the most". Is it an error to put "both" before increased? Does it sound better without it?

2 - Another thing, "but the latter rose the most" Is it ok? or is it better to say: but the latter experienced a higher rise?

Any other comment is appreciated. Thanks.




MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Oct 5, 2013   #2
1.

Does it sound better without it?

It will be better if you use "both visits to and from the UK".
2.

Another thing, "but the latter rose the most" Is it ok? or is it better to say: but the latter experienced a higher rise?

I prefer the latter one, or you could say: but the latter rose more significantly.

Over the next 20 years, the number of people travelling to and from the UK rose.

This sentence ends abruptly. You could try another way, for example: The number of people traveling to and from the UK continued to increase over the next 20 years, with the former...

Overall, you write very well :)
OP Traveler 6 / 14 2  
Oct 5, 2013   #3
Your comments are always useful, thanks! Could you give me a feedback on this essay too?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 5, 2013   #4
You follow a very logical structure. This is how it should be :)

It is noticeable that between 1979 and 1999 visits to and from the UK both increased

.... I don't say this is incorrect, but you can improve its clarity.... sounds a little bit messy. When you change the order, it will sound clearer;

It can be noted that visits of both to and from the UK, have been increased between 1979 and 1999.
Overall, this is good writing. Good structure, good vocabulary and good sentences :)
Good luck too :D


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