IELTS Task 2 Cambridge 8 : The Benefits And Drawbacks of Youth People Who Postpone Their Education

Topic : In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel f or a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

After graduated from Senior High School, many youngsters decide to postpone their education for a year to find a job or travel before they continue their study in a university. In several countries, the government support them to do this. The benefits and drawbacks of youth who delay their study before enter university will be analyze in the paragraph below.

Knowledge not only can be found in the university but also in other places. By working and traveling people will learn many things and get new experience. Sometimes, the information which they are found in the workplace or on the way they visit a place can not they get if only by studying in the school. By working people learn how to be a discipline and responsible and by traveling people can improve their social skill. Experience also make people become wiser, more patient and more respectful to others.

On the other hand, when youth decide to defer their education,there are some disadvantages too. The will be left by their friends. While their friends already in the third semester they just enter the university. In some cases, there are many youngsters who feels that they already get enough income prefer to not continue their study to higher level. If many young people think the same way so it will effects the future of the country.

In conclusion, some positive things to youth who choose to be an employee or traveler are getting different knowledge and skill. However, the youngsters still need to continue their study although they get much salary from work.

Hi Farida.
I am delighted to read your writing.
Actually, this is a good job.
I will give you some suggestions to establish your writing becoming better.
First of all, you should mention advantage and disadvantage of that matter at the introduction paragraph although you will explain the body paragraph. It is described with the key words.For example, valuable experience is one of positive aspects gained although the others will start study early.

At the first body paragraph, you have not explained systematically. You should review the experience which you mean. However, you make a sentence out of the topic"Experience also makeS people become wiser, more patient and more respectful to others" . I think you should look for the scientific fact to support your opinion. After that, you excerpt like this "Based on the article at TheTime's magazine, the youth .......

In fact, the second body also has the same mistakes like the first.
Turning to the conclusion paragraph, you should include your suggestions for some elements that can offer the benefits.

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