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Cambridge 18 Test 1- Writing task 2 - SCIENCE TO IMPROVE PEOPLE'S LIVES

luuyennhi 2 / 2 1  
Aug 31, 2023   #1
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives.

To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

My essay:
It is said that the most significant purpose of science is enhancing ordinary people's quality of life. I totally agree with this standpoint considering all the advantageous impact of innovations in multiple fields on the overall well-being of society, especially in medication and the environment.

It is obvious that medication these recent years have had many groundbreaking changes, which have profound effects on people's health condition. One of the most striking and permanent examples is the invention of Covid-19 vaccines - the result of relentless efforts on studies and experiments on this kind of virus. This discovery has dramactically change the worldwide urgent condition by enthusiastically encouraged residents to take vaccines, which then effectively control the marvelous expand of Covid-19 between individuals and decline a variety of serious patients' circumstances worldwide. The epidemic was then well-controlled and became easier to treat, the society also calmed down and had higher awareness of disease prevention. Thanks to new invention in medical fields that contribute to a more healthy and non-diseased society.

In the face of many urgent environmental problems, such as greenhouse gas and climate change resulting from pollution and overconsumption of natural resources, which can cause habitat loss, the dramatic growth of epidemic and health problems, renewable systems such as solar and wind energy have been invented to address those given issues. Fortunately, those systems are encouraged to be installed by governments and have attracted a large number of installers by providing them a range of benefits such as reducing the total spend of mothly electricity bill, then furthermore protecting the ecosystem. Governments should invest more money in exploring new beneficial methods in protecting ecosystem so as to raise a green-life society.

In conclusion. I strongly believe that elevating people's lives is the primary purpose of science due to a range of advantageous discoveries, especially in medical and environmental fields.

Please give me advices for my ideas' organization, grammatical range and vocabulary
I am arduously preparing for an IELTS exam up coming on 4th November.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,249 4651  
Sep 16, 2023   #2
You have focused more on simply increasing your word count rather than properly developing your essay, without sacrificing any scoring rubic sections. In this case, you have sacrificed several scoring areas ranging from the lexical resource, all the way to the clarity and conciseness of the presentation. You need to remember that you are not going to gain more points for a long essay. Normally, long essays result in more grammar errors, as presented here, which means your long essay could actually result in a failing score. It is more important that you learn to properly use the words, within the correct grammatical context at this point. You will not get anywhere with long, but error filled essay presentations.

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