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nhancau12345 3 / 5 2  
Nov 24, 2018   #1
I am planning to take the IELTS test. Here is one of my essay. I really need to improve my writing skills in order to get the best preparation for the IELTS test.

Car ownership in Great Britain

Topic: The chart below shows the changes in car ownership in Great Britain between 1961 and 2001.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates the different number of people who have cars in Great Britain during the period of 40 years from 1961 to 2001.
It can be seen from the line graph that the number of houses in Great Britain who had 2 cars experienced a remarkable growth from 1961 to 2001. There were no British houses had 2 or more cars in 1961 but nearly one-third of the population of Britain afforded to buy at least 2 cars in 2001. In contrast, there was a sharp decrease in the household in Britain who had no car from 1961 to 2001, fell approximately 40% from 65% to 29%. The percentage of families with no car reached a bottom at roughly 30% in 2001.

From 1961 to 2001, the percentage of one-car owners fluctuated from 35% to 50% reached a peak of 50%. In 1981, half of the population of Britain had one car in their house though from 1991 to 2001, the number of one-car owners remained stable at 45%. In 2001, the different walks of life were clear that nearly one- third of British residents had 2 or more car in their house and people who had no car constituted the same proportion.

Overall, the percentage of families with 2 or more cars rise sharply due to the considerable fall of no-car owners and the fluctuation of one-car owners from 1961 to 2001.

  • If this image is blurred, please give comment on vocab and grammar. Thank you.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,430 4691  
Nov 25, 2018   #2
Dung, you were right about the image. It is so blurred that it is useless as a basis for reviewing your essay. You are lucky though, there were not major sentence structure or grammar issues in your writing. While your presentation could be better, it was not a problematic presentation. Your thought process was clear and your information came across in an understandable manner to the reader. I would have liked to have seen a more complete opening overview summary though. Your trending statement should have also been separated from the main paragraph presentations and included either as a part of the summary overview or a stand alone sentence. In this instance, the merging made it a bit hard to spot while reading.

As for formatting considerations, kindly remember that there is a 3-5 sentence requirement for the paragraph. The way you have this essay structured at the moment, the paragraphs tend to run into the lengthy territory, which creates unnecessary run-on sentences. Use full stops through a period for every sentence. Don't use commas because the continuous thought discussion pattern will tend to confuse your reader and in the process, lower your C&C score.

I don't advice you to write more than 200 words for this 150 minimum word essay. Any more than that and you will tend to make more GRA mistakes, create incoherent sentences, and lose all time for editing and revising your possible mistakes. Anywhere from 150-175 words in a 4 paragraph format will be sure to get you a better scoring consideration in the actual test. Editing and revising is just as important as the word count in this case so you have to find a balance between the two that you are comfortable with when you are writing the Task 1 essay.