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Car Ownership increasing big traffic jams

yuukinohan4 9 / 24 6  
Mar 8, 2017   #1
Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jams'.
How true do you think this statement is?
What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

tackling the traffic jams issue

In the last three decades, a growing number of civilians have purchased cars to fulfill their needs travelling from one place to another. Because of this, many cities in the world have been marked as 'one big traffic jam'. Personally, I believe this is true due to the fact that the way people buy cars are getting easier. Therefore, governments should take into consideration to deal with this problem such as increasing tax payment.

It becomes affordable for societies to get car ownership. Since they just allocate a bit amount of deposit to get new vehicle and make an installment payment later, this will lead other persons to do the same that will overflow the road. It will be getting worse if every dweller has one four-wheel vehicle as their means to travel away. Such condition point out a busy road where numerous cars make a long line in particular time such as coming-home time at afternoon and leaving-home time in the morning.

To tackle the traffic congestion problem, authorities should take a policy to reduce car driving on the road. What strategy I offer is to increase tax payment for each car belonging. Stakeholders are able to ask a far substantial of levy for each automobile that every individual has. I believe this way will stimulate car drivers to rethink driving car because they should subsidize much money for such expenditure.

To conclude, it is unavoidable that easiness having transport especially cars. It drives people to buy those modes, bringing to traffic congestion problems in many parts of the world. By increasing an amount of money payment, it expects to urge citizens not to utilize automobile thanks to high expenses anxiety. (280 words)
eiriashhar 4 / 14 4  
Mar 8, 2017   #2
Where are you writing this essay for? Is it for IELTS? If yes then it seems good although you can introduce better lexical resource in the context, plus its better if you could paraphase the topic sentence a bit more, something like Due to this, most metropolis these days are being marked as 'one big traffic jam'. Try not only to change the vocabulary while paraphrasing but also change the sentence structure. This shows your command and efficiency over the language.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,364 3367  
Mar 8, 2017   #3
Nur, it is never advisable to include actual information in your opening statement. That part of the essay is merely meant to test your paraphrasing, outlining, and task accuracy skills. Save the actual information for the body of the essay. The more information you present in the actual body, the higher your TA and GRA scores get. Remember that. Also, don't start a formal sentence with the word "Because". The term is always used to connect two ideas in a single sentence. Therefore, using it at the start of a sentence does not make sense because there are no ideas to connect at that point. It would be best to find another way to start your sentence instead. You can say "Therefore" or "Due to..." in place of the word "Because". Your concluding statement was faulty as well since you were just supposed to recap the earlier discussions in the essay. Since that is not what you did, I believe that the score for this essay cannot be higher than 5.
DoctorWho - / 46 29  
Mar 8, 2017   #4
Hey Nur!
Like Holt said above, the introduction is mainly used to talk about the issue at hand and what view you hold regarding the matter.
Your ideas in support of your viewpoint as well as possible remedies come later.
The conclusion mainly, is where the remedies fit.

Regarding your solution to the problem, I feel that you've revolved the entire essay around the idea of increasing the cost and tax that accompanies the purchasing of a vehicle. While this is a good suggestion to tackle the problem, I cant help but notice that this solution effects only the middle and lower class individuals.

The upper sections of the society do not even come into the picture, which seems rather unfair and unjust. The wealthy will still be able to do as they please...

Nonetheless, it's still a very valid point and your ideas do matter.

You could maybe include points regarding-
1) Legislation regarding no. of vehicles per household.
2) Promote use of public vehicles.

(There was a recent incident in my country where due to massive pollution of a city, the government decided that all vehicles with odd numbers be on the roads on alternate days, while the ones with an even no. do so on the other alternate days.

This turned out to be a huge success and was applicable to every individual)

Other changes-
Remove the increasing tax line from first para.
Conclusion could be slightly better.

Good Luck! :)

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