First of all, I think your essay is pretty good grammatically. However in the third paragraph you were talking about cows, buffalos and chickens and I personally think that those animals are not really the main focus of this topic. When it comes to the extinction of animals I think we should focus on wild and endangered animals and their impact on biodiversity and stuff. Of course talking about castles is technically fine but since they are raised by human and there are so many of them, it would be quite unrealistic to talk about their distinction.
Hope you find this helpful
Thanks for being a consistent, active participant in the forum. Let me try my best to provide you with feedback on this essay.
For the most part, I find that your essay is well-written in that you were able to relay the message that you wished to showcase while, at the same time, being able to focus on articulating with a firmer tone that massively took advantage of examples to retell your side of the story. Well done.
I would only recommend that you try to revise your essay in a way that way structure and create a more informative tone. Enforcing this academic language will help you curate a more substantive content in the long-run. Bear this in mind as you are writing.
Observe the following revisions:
On the one hand,
putting human's problem to the first priority is undeniable are undeniably to be prioritized. Firstly and foremost, human, ... Thus, e Even if there is an extinction ..., they could can create a new enhanced species with higher quality with their using developed technology. ... rules, laws, and modernize anything and other aspects ... ... world better when whereas animals can not because they only know to consume.
Notice how trimming down your essay will help you create a more straightforward and yet effective way of transmitting your thoughts into text.
Best of luck as always.