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IELTS TASK 1 : CAREER RELATIONSHIP AMONG WORKERS - officers' responses


ichatea07 27 / 24 10  
Jan 27, 2016   #1
The pie charts elucidate the percentage of officers' responses as per official relationships either with monitors or working partners in their own companies. Two investigations in separated years collected the data which were taken in 2005 and 2009.

In essence, it is clear that one type of responses within both graphs had been excluded which were no answer in the first chart and shallow relationships in the second one. Furthermore, it can be seen that most respondents predominantly addressed to have very good connections over the years of consideration.

As a starting point, in 2005, officers who stated that their interactions with supervisors went very well stood at 61 percent, and this figure inclined slightly to just under three-quarter of 100%. Likewise, 2009 also experienced a considerable rise to 70 percent in very good cooperative relationship with other workers. Afterwards, similar trends also exist in good relationships among two work-related communications that were shown in its each decreasing number to below a quarter with monitors and exactly 25% with partners at work.

Companies which did not involve the contribution of a supervisor rose a bit by 4% when respondents, who revealed not having a co-worker, went up very slightly to 2%. Moreover, in other options, poor relationships between workers and supervisors remained constant virtually at 2% over the survey times, while fair interactions of it witnessed a small decrease by 2%. Otherwise, fair interactions with working partners fell significantly to 3 percent.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 27, 2016   #2
Anissa, you need to better develop your overview summary. It seems that there is more information to be given to the reader than what you have in your opening statement. Remember, a complete opening statement will create the logical flow of information presentation in the rest of the discussion. You just need to take some sentences from the second paragraph and add it to the first paragraph, then add some new sentences to the second paragraph to make it flow better and become more informative.

I wish that you had provided the image with the essay so that we could have checked for the validity and accuracy of your summary essay. At this point, I cannot really verify the claims that you are making, which makes me pull back on correcting the grammar of your essay. I need to be sure that you are presenting the right information. If you can present the image for this essay, I promise to come back and write a more accurate analysis of your essay and grammar corrections as soon as I see the image.
fariz10 13 / 18 2  
Jan 28, 2016   #3
Hi Icha,
I thought you forgot to attach the diagram. Please, attach it later...

The pie charts elucidate the percentage of officers' responses as per official relationships either with monitors or working partners in their own companies. Two investigations in separated years collected the data which were taken in 2005 and 2009.

In essence, it is clear that one type of responses within both graphs had been excluded which were no answer in the first chart and shallow relationships in the second one. Furthermore, it can be seen that most respondents predominantly addressed to have very good connections over the years of consideration.

In my opinion, it would be better if you merge both of paragraph.
OP ichatea07 27 / 24 10  
Jan 28, 2016   #4
this is the pie charts.





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