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IELTS Task 2 - Career women can trigger juvenile deliquency

Trisulastri 27 / 18 4  
Mar 27, 2016   #1
The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Public perceptions of the roles and capabilities of women in society have changed dramatically in recent decades. However, this trend had a negative impact for the development of children who have mother as a career woman, so they frequently get involved with juvenile delinquency. I firmly agree that the flurry of women in work and lack of attention to domestic matters are the main factors of this condition.

Nowadays, the numbers of juvenile delinquency is increasing due to changes in family dynamics. The task of earning a living should be a primary task of father as the head of the family, but these day mothers also show interest in working as reasons to help the family economy. Thus, child becomes uncontrollable by both parents and start looking for attention by performing negative actions. For example, children commit misbehavior in the school, such as skipping, smoking, or stealing. Consequently, school principal often call parents and children feel the attention from these measures.

A woman's choice to work did provide significant role in improving the family's economic condition, because often father's revenue is only able to fulfill the basic needs. Children who grew up with working parents obtain an allowance more than adequate and they receive more amenities than their peers. Extra money received by children, often being misused, such as for dissipate, clubbing or even experimenting with drugs. As a result, children falling into severe problems even involved with legal issues. It is evident that mothers play an important role in child development.

All in all, I personally agree that transformations in women's roles become more active in the world of work brought adverse changes in the stability of the family, especially in adolescent development.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Mar 27, 2016   #2
I found a few small changes you could make, and hopefully a 'career woman' won't be reading this, lol.

However, this trend has had a negative impact foron the development of children who ...

Nowadays, the numbersproblem of juvenile delinquency is ...

... in the school, such as skipping class , smoking, or stealing.

Extra money received by children, often being misused, such as for dissipate , ... I don't think this word is right in this sentence.

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