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How do cars affect our life and what can we do to address the problems cars caused

Hi, guys! I am writing an essay for our school's practice exam. Here is my essay and thanks in advance!

Original Question: The car has made travel much more convenient but it has brought with it number of problems as well. Describe what these problems are and discuss what can be done to address them.

Since Watt invented steam engine, industrial age has revolutionized our way of living, especially in transport. As a kind of modern transport, cars have simplified travelling and moving. Whereas, the problems come along with cars have also risen onto the surface of iceberg. This essay intends to discuss what problems cars caused and give several practical solutions.

Due to the use of liquid petroleum, the waste of running engine normally would be released into air directly which potentially causes numerous environmental problems. For example, the acid rain can destroy natural habitats and affect food production. As a result, farmers cannot grow the food stuff necessary to feed the population.

Another severe problem caused by excessively use of cars is its effect on human health, most notably on the respiratory system. The number of people suffering from breathing problems such as asthma and bronchitis in US alone has increased by more than four hundred percent.

Besides the effects on individuals, cars have transformed many countries as well. Take an example of United Arab Emirates. In Dubai, with the enormous amount of money made by selling oils, local people become wealthier and are able to afford five cars for each family in average. And since wealthy car owners are reluctant to move to bus stop under the burning sun, they rather choose to drive in comfortable private cars. Consequently, the whole city turns into gridlock everyday.

Various solutions have come out including hybrid cars, advanced public transport system and etc. Propelled by electric motors, electric cars are considered as a significant solution to the current problem.

In conclusion, even we can enjoy the convenience of cars, we still need to think the aftermath that excessive car using will bring. The car can be a useful tool as long as we can reduce the side effect of it. And to solve the problem, we need to put more clean-energy cars into practice.

Hey @xdx24
There are some corrections you need to make to your essay.
Since Watt invented the steam engine, the industrial age
I don't think "and moving" should be added to your second sentence because traveling covers moving.
"Whereas, the problems that come along with cars have also risen onto the surface of the iceberg."
"...problems cars have caused"
" the waste of running a engine"
"For example, acid rain which can destroy natural habitats and affect food production."
"caused by excessively use of cars"
I think that in your last sentence in your third paragraph you should give a time frame of this increase. eg. within the past 4 years.
"Besides the effects on individuals, cars have transformed many countries as well; take the United Arab Emirates as an example."
"selling oils"
"bus stops"
"into a gridlock"
"and etc" rather "and more"
"even though we can enjoy"
"still need to think of the aftermath"
Dec 7, 2015   #3
Dixing, I'd like to share my insights on your essay.
I can see that you have quiet a work cut out for you here as a contributor
already gave you the necessary correction on the words and the sentence structure.

Now, form my side, I suggest that you merge your paragraphs into maybe three full paragraphs,
having it in the way you initially formatted the paragraphs just seem to be very busy essay but this
does not necessarily mean that the essay is strong enough to be critiqued.
Forming it into full paragraphs will give it that formal impression and a clean cut that will help your
essay stand out and mean what you really mean.

I hope my insights on your essay helped.
  Closed ✓

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