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Writing IELTS task 2 - cause effect of consuming fast food

ummasm 2 / 3  
Nov 21, 2016   #1
Question :
An increasing number of people in these days prefer consuming fast food to home prepared ones. Why do you think this trend happen? What soft of problems might it bring into society?

Over the last decade, consuming fast food have seen in the society life style. People would rather to buy ready-made meals than home-cooked ones. This essay will discuss some reasons why this occurred and examine the consequences of this worrying trend.

The main cause of this problem is prolific increase in the number of fast food restaurant. For instance, on nearly every high street there are Mac Donald's and Kentucky Fried Chicken which they mostly open 24 hours per day. This ensuring that people who are busy in their work or even the students prefer consume these foods. Another cause of an inceasing consuer is interesting advertising that encourages people to buy. There are many exaggerate advertising that offer cut of price on their foods. That will lead consumers to think that they should order as long as foods in discount price.

The effects of this have been and will continue to be very serious. The most problematic is helath problem. It will be a large increase in helath related dieases, especially diabetes. This debilitating illness means people have to be injected with insulin for the rest of their life. Furthermore, the social life may be influenced. Ready-made meals which are a quick and easy option to order lead people to change their eating habits. This will result in their family interaction since they have not enough time to eat together with the home prepared foods.

To sum up, it is evident that there are several causes of increasing the number of fast food consumers. Thus, there are variety of negative effects as a result. Society must ensure to prevent this problem from deteriorating further.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,709 3056  
Nov 21, 2016   #2
Sitti, in terms of task achievement, you could probably score a 5 with this essay since you are able to technically respond to the prompt and your paraphrasing is good enough to let the reader know what the task of the essay is. In terms of cohesion and cohesiveness, you would get another 5 because you have managed to organize your paragraph discussions in a logical manner going from discussing the topic provided to the consequences of the actions. Definitely a sign of logical progression. However, the discussion of the topics within the paragraph are a bit hard to follow because your lexical resource and grammar accuracy are not exactly on point. The score for that would probably along the range of 4. The reason for this would be some severe grammatical errors such as "helath" instead of the correct term which is "health" and "inceasing consuer" when what you really meant was "increasing consumer". There is also a lack of sentence clarity when you said that the activity of consuming fast food will result in family interaction when what you really were referring to was a "lack of family interaction". Those small but pivotal mistakes will always cost you big time in terms of scoring during the actual test.
ifraanisa05 44 / 70 6  
Nov 28, 2016   #3
hi, here are my suggestions towards your essay

consuming fast food have been seen in the societylife stylethe lifestyle of society

People would rather to buy ready-made meals ...

i suggest creating the general statements which will provide the explanation of your next paragraph

Another cause of an inceasingincreasingconsuerconsumer is interesting advertising ...
check your spelling before upload your essay

... advertising that offer offers a cut ofoff price on their foods.
advertising is uncountable so it is singular form

The most problematic is helathhealthproblem.

... increase in helathhealth related dieasesdisease

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